Archive for April, 2010


For those who have them, multiple orgasms are typically a source of pleasure and even amazement. For those who don’t, they’re often a non-issue. For others, they can be a holy grail that is envied and earnestly chased.

Multiple orgasms are possible for women because unlike men, women have no refractory period — that mandatory reloading time after orgasm, before arousal can build and make another orgasm possible. For all our culture’s talk of penis envy, this is the sexual aspect of women that many men envy.

A small number of men apparently are able to have multiple orgasms by separating orgasm from ejaculation — that is they have a sexual climax without the ejaculation that wilts the penis and triggers the refractory period. Several popular books claim to teach this ability, but my clinical experience suggests that virtually no man can accomplish this.

Just as different women prefer different pathways to orgasm — emphasizing vaginal or clitoral or G-spot stimulation — women also take different pathways to multiple orgasm. But even with the perfect stimulation, some women can only do this when they’re in a certain part of their menstrual cycle, or with a certain partner (someone they love, say, or someone they don’t), when they’re especially relaxed or horny, or when the moon is full.

Many women can’t even predict when it’ll happen. They kind of get scooped up by a runaway erotic train, hang on for the ride, and come back to earth when it’s done.

How can you make this experience more likely? First, you have to know how to have one orgasm. If you don’t, read Lonnie Barbach’s For Yourself. Then you need to learn to tolerate increasing amounts of sexual stimulation while you’re sensitive from having just climaxed. Try slow, deep breathing, while getting slow, gentle (or firm, it’s your call) stimulation.

Think of yourself as sinking into an erotic valley rather than climbing an erotic mountain. Hopefully, your arousal will gradually increase as your post-orgasm sensitivity subsides. When you feel another orgasm start to take over, well, you know what to do then.

Then there’s only one question: when do you stop climaxing and start eating, sleeping or working?

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Most of us don’t freely admit it, but kissing can be the most intimate erotic activity.

You can fantasize about someone else during intercourse, you can tune out a person giving you head, but it’s extremely difficult to ignore someone whose tongue is redecorating the inside of your mouth.

Kissing involves smell, taste, pressure, nonstop communication, and absolute physical proximity — a combination that most other sexual activities can’t match. The other person is so close he can’t be ignored.

Most adolescents love to kiss, but begin to lose interest when genital sex becomes an option. Pity. Kissing can be a satisfying way to have a profound and sexy conversation with someone.

Why do people let it slip away? Partly, its very intimacy can be a little daunting. When you’re kissing, there’s nowhere to hide. In fact, kissing can be an intimacy gauge. Kissing a partner we don’t like, especially an enthusiastic one, can be an awful experience.

Then there’s the issue of style. What if you and your partner like to kiss in different ways? It’s as if one of you is doing the mambo while the other waltzes. Some people prefer subtle and gradual — the stealth tongue approach. Others are more direct and even overpowering — the invading army approach. Neither approach is wrong, but each can be unpleasant to someone who wants something different.

Breath also plays a big role in couples’ kissing compatibility. If she doesn’t like the way he smells or vice versa, kissing can quickly disappear from the repertoire. In fact, since kissing puts us so close to another person, things like dirty hair, scratchy beard, nose hairs and scented makeup can all become key issues in reducing the desire to kiss.

As in many parts of sex, communication is key to getting the kissing thing together. Tell your partner what you like and dislike, and give specific examples. Yes, give each other a kissing clinic, experimenting, evaluating, and letting your partner know when you like what you’re getting.

Approach bad breath without apology. “I want to kiss you more, and would if your mouth smelled differently.” Offer to brush together as a prelude to affection or even sex.

If you don’t want to kiss your mate, that’s a different — and very troubling — story. Losing interest in kissing often indicates deep relationship problems, and is a strong predictor, in my experience, of sexual boredom or incompatibility. Because it’s so intimate and so potentially rewarding, a kissing mismatch should not be ignored. Raise the painful topic with your mate, or see a professional.

Kissing is supposedly how God gets people so close that they can’t see each other’s flaws. If you’re aware of how your partner isn’t satisfying you, talk it over as soon as possible. It will be difficult, but then you’ll have all that great kissing to look forward to.

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The vulva, otherwise known as the female external genitalia, vary in shape, size & appearance from women to women. In general, genitals vary from person to person. Different people’s genitals are similar enough that they perform the same functions but different enough to be uniquely yours.

Most noticeable of the physical differences between women and men is the fact that the male genitals are in full view, while the most important parts of the female external genitalia can be seen only if the woman spreads her legs wide.

Female Genitals

vulva female external genitilia Anatomy Of The Vulva: Female External Genitalia

Anatomy of the Vulva

The entire area of the external female genital anatomy is called the Vulva. You can look at your vulva by holding a mirror between your legs. The Mons, a name that comes from the Latin mons veneris means mound of Venus, the Roman goddess of love, is the area of fatty tissue that forms a soft mound over the pubic bone. The mons is covered by skin and pubic hair.

The Labia Majora, or Outer Lips, extend from the mons to the anus. They cover the urinary and vaginal openings and are in turn covered by pubic hair. The Labia Minora, or Inner Lips, are delicate folds of moist skin that lie inside the outer lips, although they can protrude beyond them. They extend from just above the clitoris to below the vaginal opening. They vary in size and form in each woman.

The Clitoris is an exquisitely sensitive organ that lies just under the mons. It is covered by the inner lips which can be gently pushed back to reveal the tip (the head or glans). The rest of the clitoris can be seen because it extends inside the body. The clitoris is extremely sensitive to stimulation and when stimulated it becomes erect. Although direct stimulation of the tip of the clitoris is pleasurable for some women it is uncomfortable and even painful for others. The Urinary Opening is just under the clitoris. It is the outer part of the urethra, the tube from the bladder.

The Vaginal Opening is located behind the urinary opening. During sexual stimulation erectile tissue on both sides of the vagina become engorged with blood. The whole area becomes moist. The pelvic muscles contract and relax during orgasm. One- to two-thirds of the vaginal opening is covered with the Hymen until this is broken by intercourse or penetration or another object or even bicycle or horseback riding.

The Vagina lies between the urethra and the rectum. Unless a woman is sexually stimulated the walls of the vagina touch each other. When a woman is sexually aroused a slippery liquid is produced and the vagina opens, or enlarges. The vagina can open as much as to facilitate the passage of a baby, therefore there is no such thing as a penis too large for a woman’s vagina.

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