Archive for April, 2010


Few erotic activities are as thrilling — or as terrifying — as sharing sexual fantasies.

Whether your thing is Cleopatra and the slave boy, the astronaut and the moon alien, or Yasser, Madeleine and the camel, most of us have the same fear: hearing “that’s disgusting!” the second we mention it.

But just think how wonderful it would be to hear: “Oh, Yasser, take me to your tent.”

There are good reasons to share sexual fantasies: to add variety to a sexual relationship; to experience activities you’ll never do in real life; to convey information about turn-ons; and to play.

To find out if your mate is interested in sharing fantasies, say you heard about it on Oprah. You can even cautiously mention one or two things while you’re in line at the supermarket, like “it might be cool to pretend we were meeting on the Orient Express while our spouses were in the dining car,” or “it would be fun to pretend Joanne was in bed with us taking photos.” If your mate seems interested, proceed the next time you’re sexual together.

Role-play involves telling each other a story, or acting out parts: “That’s a pretty dress, young lady. Let’s make sure it doesn’t get wrinkled.” “Mmm, no one’s ever touched me like that before — is that OK?” The point is to turn up the heat. But you also want to check in with your mate to make sure embarrassment or discomfort aren’t interfering with the temperature.

What do fantasies mean? Generally, nothing. Most of us fantasize about things we don’t want to do, or wouldn’t do even if we could. It only makes sense. What’s the point of fantasizing about the known, the possible or the simple? You can get those in real life. Fantasy is for frying up much bigger fish.

If your mate doesn’t want to play with fantasies, don’t criticize. Just find other ways you can both share your eroticism.

Be sensitive to any particular discomfort zones, such as your mate’s younger, slimmer, rich brother.

Fantasy does not necessarily reveal what a person really wants.

More on sexual fantasies:

  • Play an erotic role.
  • Got pain? Indulge a sexual fantasy.
  • What’s your love story?
  • The pros and cons of online dating.

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