Archive for January 5th, 2011

5
Jan


If your love life has become routine, try these nine ways to put the spark back in the sack.

1. Tell your partner your top 10 fantasies. Can’t say them out loud?, suggests Tracey Cox author of Hot Relationships. She suggests that you each make a list of 10 fantasies, then trade lists with your partner. Toss out what you can’t agree on. Rip the list into separate slips, and put them in jars for him and her. Take one out when the mood strikes.

2. Go shopping. Browse the sexuality section of a bookstore together. “There’s a sense of adventure in discovering what’s out there and making a commitment to trying it,” says Jan Brown, a marriage counselor and believer in hot monogamy.

3. Ask for something new, nicely. “There is a big difference between an invitation to try something new and a lecture,” says Kevin Gogin, a marriage, family and child counselor. Gogin urges couples to use positive words and expressions like, “I thought it would be fun if we…” or “What would you think of…?” Avoid loaded words like “dissatisfied” and “frustrated.”

4. Take a break from sex. “For long-term partners, sex becomes convenient — like going to the refrigerator and grabbing something to eat,” says marriage and family counselor Carol Kaplan. For these folks, taking a breather from all sex, or from just intercourse, can rev up desire and promote greater intimacy (if you spend the time doing other things).

5. Women, think like a guy. French beauty expert Laura Mercier believes American women sabotage their sex appeal with too many hang-ups and too little self-esteem. It’s different in Europe, she says. Confidence, sensuality, character and personality play a bigger role in beauty. “A woman accepts that at 50 she is a gorgeous woman who still has sex.”

6. Men, think like a chick. So advises Bernie Zilbergeld, author of The New Male Sexuality. He urges men to relate more non-sexually and to explore various expressions of affection, including holding hands, cuddling, hugging and kissing.

7. Have sex in the morning. Get it while the getting is good. The end of a trying workday is probably the worst time to initiate intimacy, says sex and couples counselor Eleanor Hamilton.

8. Slow down. That’s the advice of our readers who responded to the article Great Sex Comes to Those Who Age. They say leaving behind the mad rush to orgasm is the secret to great sex.

9. Schedule it. While many of us believe that sex should be spontaneous, who has time for spur of the moment romps? Busy people need to put intimacy on their agenda, but that doesn’t mean the sex has to be sedate.

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