Archive for November 16th, 2011

16
Nov


The single most common question people ask me about sex is, “Am I normal?” Young and old, coupled and single, men and women worry that their desires, preferences, fantasies, body and curiosity are normal — that is, like everyone else’s.

I used to answer most people reassuringly, “Yes, lots of people are into that, you’re normal.” But if you define normal as what most people do, most of us aren’t normal. True, worrying about your sexual normality is normal. But most people go their own way after that. Sure, there’s an average frequency that people make love, an average position, an average penis size. But you’re not making love with the average person — you’re making love with a single, unique individual. Besides, averages aren’t always meaningful. Sampling men and women, you conclude that the average person has one testicle and one ovary — a meaningless statistic.

So what do we do that isn’t so normal?

Some of us are monogamous; many aren’t. Some of us are strictly heterosexual; many aren’t. There are about as many different sexual fantasies as there are people fantasizing. The arrangement of body parts during sex ranges from the predictable to the laughable and the improbable, and includes things you may not even consider sexual.

Some lovers wear costumes; some hide their bodies. Some people shut the door and turn off the lights; others seek high-exposure places like elevators. Some people like their sex polite; while others get nasty in language, lingerie or their fingers’ destination.

In fact, the number of ways people are sexually unconventional is so large, it can’t even be fully described. While you’re reading this, someone, someplace, is experimenting with new places to put their tongue.

That person may be worried that he or she is too kinky.

If only he or she knew what you do.

Don’t take all of this as a subtle statement that you’re a sexual freak, or that you’re isolated in your perverse eroticism. Anything sexual that you imagine, want, or do is being imagined, wanted, or done by someone somewhere.

You know, we’re each alone in this together.

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