Archive for 2012

29
Feb


Compatibility of values and goals reduces conflict, which may cut down the urge to part, says David Buss, author of The Evolution of Desire.

But there’s something more compelling than compatibility that has kept couples together throughout history and just might offer a kind of staying power to modern-day marriages.

Picture the husband felling trees and moving rocks while the wife sows and weeds. This is the economics of a bonding. Interdependence is a prescription for a successful relationship, according to Fisher, author of Anatomy of Love.

If interdependence worked to keep things friendly on the farm, perhaps collaboration keeps couples together in modern society – collaboration other than children, that is. Studies have shown that couples who have one or two children are no likelier to soothe the seven-year itch than those with no children.

We’re talking about raising plants in a greenhouse together, working as a team to campaign for your favorite candidate or playing the piano while your spouse sings. More than sharing common interests, you share a common goal.

A little lovin’ doesn’t hurt

Of course, romance is another invaluable component to a successful relationship. Why not live like it’s your first year together? For guys, that means gifts, winning her love. Remember how hard you used to work for her attentions? For women this means stroking his ego, listening with interest and responding to his loving gestures. In short, stop taking each other for granted and break the stagnant pattern.

The later the marriage, the less scratchy the itch

The peak age range for divorce and remarriage is from the late 20s to the early 30s. Couples who hook up in their 40s and 50s are more likely to stay together than their younger counterparts, says Fisher.

Today’s baby boomers, she writes, “seem to be entering this final state, searching for a soul mate. Most will marry or remarry and remain together. It’s in their genes.”

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
22
Feb


You can pretend you are immune. You may go around singing I Only Have Eyes for You. Even if you’re on key, you’re probably lying.

The Seven-Year Itch is reality, folks — for men and women.

“The cross-cultural data are pretty clear we are designed for serial monogamy,” says Dean Hamer, a biochemist with the National Institutes of Health.

The urge to merge is at some point replaced by the urge to split, and studies worldwide confirm this.

Evolutionarily speaking, men seek sexual variety and ample mating opportunities to “spread the seed.” Women seek to secure the best provider possible for themselves and their children.

This “pattern of decay” in sexual relationships is particularly strong for men and women in their prime reproductive years, according to researcher Helen Fisher.

But while some would say we’re biologically and historically destined to experience the seven-year itch, there are enough success stories out there to convince us straying is not mapped out in our DNA.

Wake up and smell the post-paleolithic world

Most men don’t want to fulfill their erstwhile biological mandate. “Social commitment is as important as any rush of testosterone,” says Jim McKenna, professor of biological anthropology at the University of Notre Dame. You may find women other than your wife attractive, but that doesn’t mean you’ll act on it.

Hollywood and some anthropologists would have us believe that women would trade in their husbands for a wealthier model if given the chance Demi Moore’s character had in the movie Indecent Proposal. But the reality is most women have more invested in their relationships with their husbands than a bank account. Not to mention the fact that many women also earn their own living.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
15
Feb


In some parallel universe, sex is perfect. Not only is it always flat-out fantastic; you get precisely what you want without asking.

In this universe, you have to ask.

1. Make your request an invitation.
Use positive words and phrases, says Kevin Gogin, a marriage and family counselor. “I thought it would be fun if …”

2. Be specific.
It may seem awkward to give a tutorial in the middle of lovemaking, but practice makes perfect.

3. Make everything voluntary.
When you put the pressure on, the message is, “You better give me what I deserve.” Asking instead of telling makes your request a choice.

4. Cater to your partner’s desires.
The more you take interest in what thrills her, the more she will want to do likewise.

5. Feel free to change your mind.
Expressing your likes, writes Dr. Miriam Stoppard in The Magic Of Sex, “doesn’t mean … you might express a different preference on a different occasion.”

6. Be adventurous — a little at a time.
Before you whip out the handcuffs, “start with something simple,” advises Michael Castleman in Sexual Solutions.

7. Master love outside the bedroom.
Do you give her a foot rub without prompting? Do you seek him out the second you walk in the door? Work on giving each other what you want on many levels.

8. Don’t take it too seriously.
Sex may be an important part of your life, but a single experience is not. Keep it fun and playful.

9. Open up to new experiences.
And put them in writing, suggests Tracey Cox, author of Hot Relationships. Each person lists 10 things he or she would like to do in bed. Trade lists. Ditch what you can’t agree on.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
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