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20
Oct


Many people who go to relationship therapy refer to anger as a negative emotion. Although experiences with anger are terribly painful for many people, what’s negative isn’t the anger, but rather how we deal with it.

Anger itself is neutral. It’s a source of information. It’s a motivation to communicate or change. And if discussed productively (yes, that’s a big if), it almost always leads to more intimacy. So anger is a valuable part of relationships.

There are three basic reasons to communicate that you’re angry:

1. To share information: “When you flirt at parties, it makes me feel left out.”

2. To ask for change: “I want you to agree to be on time from now on.”

3. To hurt someone: “I’d enjoy sex more with someone else anyway.”

How you express your anger should be determined by your goal. If you want to be better understood, or want to change the relationship, you need to express yourself in a cooperative way—which can be difficult when you’re feeling angry.

One of the ways couples get in trouble is with the unspoken agreement that as soon as someone is angry, he can express himself in a rude or hurtful way. Unless your goal is specifically to hurt someone, you never have the right to talk hurtfully. Your own anger is no excuse.

To put it another way, express your anger as if you expect to continue the relationship after your anger has subsided.

This takes discipline. People frequently say things like, “but I have a hot Italian/Irish/African/Danish/fill-in-the-blank/ temper, and when I get angry I just lose it.” Wrong: There is no such thing as a “temper.” A temper is what we call it when people relinquish responsibility for how they express themselves.

Make a promise to express your anger responsibly, as part of the ongoing relationship, rather than a disruption of it or exception to it.

Although anger is not a sign of love, anger is an inevitable part of loving relationships. Discuss your anger with your partner as lovingly and consciously as you discuss joy and pleasure.

Tips:

  • Don’t make important decisions while you’re very angry.
  • If you’re angry, don’t act like an angry person; say, “I’m angry.”

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female gspot orgasm
13
Oct


What would you put in a time capsule to be opened a century from now if the subject were sexuality? How would you represent our eroticism? What objects would you use to help future generations understand us — and, for that matter, to help your partners understand you?

Here, in no particular order, are some suggestions. Have fun adding your own.

• Vibrator: These started out as a way for women to learn about their bodies and enjoy themselves. Now, millions of couples use them to expand their repertoire beyond intercourse.

• Condom: An incredibly thin, strong device that prevents both unwanted pregnancy and disease. Hard to believe they were illegal for unmarried Americans in the last century.

• Tampon: A perfect example of how life is easier when you’re willing to deal with sexuality and your body directly.

• Beer bottle: Too many people have their first sexual experience while they’ve been drinking. As a result, people often do things they regret. And, of course, it’s really hard to enjoy sex when you’re drunk.

• Electric bill: Representing the telephone, computer, VCR and other electronic ways we now express our sexuality.

• Porn film: Whether you enjoy them or not, they do show people smiling and enjoying what they’re doing — which is what we look like if we’re fortunate, and wish we did if we’re not.

• AIDS poster: AIDS has replaced Communism as the reason that people can’t enjoy themselves or trust each other. Interestingly, although most middle-class single people say it concerns them, most have never had a long, serious conversation with a partner about it. Honest conversation will always be more intimate — and therefore more difficult — than sex.

• Therapy bill: Sexuality is still the source of an enormous amount of emotional pain for many people. Whether because of childhood trauma, guilt, shame, and ignorance, or sexual dysfunction, millions of American men and women suffer about sex — and can’t seem to get the help they need.

• Mirror: One of the things that undermines sexual desire and enjoyment for many women is embarrassment or discomfort about their bodies. Unfortunately, many women have unrealistic ideas about how they’re supposed to look — or how their mates expect them to look.

• Lipstick: Remember when you used to love to kiss? As an adult, do you kiss as much as you like?

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6
Oct


From Ann Landers to Oprah, everyone’s always urging us to communicate with our loved ones. But if you think that the main goal of communication is getting the other person to understand you, you’re probably feeling disappointed with the results.

Just about everyone wants to feel more understood. But if both partners in a conversation are working hard to be understood, who’s left to do the understanding?

In a troubled relationship, mates worry that they won’t get their turn to speak or to explain themselves. Thus, they verbally push and shove, cutting each other off, insisting the other person listen to them. If someone didn’t get enough listening as a child, the reminder of this in adulthood makes things even more difficult.

Relationships work so much better when both people know they’ll each get a turn to speak regardless of who goes first. It’s easier to listen when you trust that your mate wants to understand you. And the sooner your partner feels understood, the sooner s/he will be ready to work hard to understand you.

How do you pursue understanding your mate?

• Don’t try to make your mate feel better right away.

• Ask how s/he feels, and keep asking until you understand.

• When you think you know, tell your mate how you think s/he feels.

• If you’re not completely right, ask for more information. If you are, ask what your mate wants.

• Don’t try to fix your mate’s problem unless you’re specifically asked.

Understanding others doesn’t mean agreeing with them or giving them what they want. Conveying that you understand simply puts the two of you in the best possible position to discover your actual differences (as opposed to the differences you think you have), as well as the interests you have in common. Then you can resolve those differences as easily as possible.

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29
Sep


People have a variety of reasons for not communicating about sex. These include lack of vocabulary, feeling intimidated, anxiety and hostility.

One reason that women frequently give is “I don’t want to bruise his male ego.” To that I say, ladies, bruise away.

Information is critical to sexual satisfaction. Men need to know where and how you like to be touched, what your different sounds (and your silence) mean, when you’re ready, when you’re uninterested and when you want more.

Somehow, many women have gotten the idea that men can’t stand to get this information from them. They think mind reading, trial and error, or even ignorance is preferable.

Granted, some men can’t stand to admit that there’s anything they don’t know about sex. But most men will tell you they’re eager to know more about their partner’s body and sexuality. These guys are dying to know what makes a woman experience desire, arousal and satisfaction.

How can you convey this information? Words are great, of course. Some people prefer to talk in bed. “Honey, I’d love this.” Or “Bob, I’d prefer that slower.” Perhaps you feel more comfortable talking at another time, like while driving: “You know, Juan, when you put your fingers inside me, some lube would make it even nicer.”

Nonverbal communication works well too, as long as both partners understand it. So put your hand on his and move it the way you want it, or gently take his hand away from a place you don’t like it and put it somewhere you do. Or sigh when he licks you just right. But if you find these gestures don’t work, talking is probably required.

And what of the fragile male ego? There’s no need to be mean or insensitive when you communicate. Focus on the positive by describing what you like more than what you don’t. And assume that your mate wants to know how to make sex more rewarding for both of you. If he doesn’t, you have a much bigger problem than lack of orgasm or unsatisfying sexual technique.

Start your exploration of intimacy here:

  • If you like to communicate with moans and other sounds, ask your partner what he thinks you mean by them.
  • If you’re unsure how best to communicate, ask your partner (out of bed) how he wants you to tell him.
  • Asking “would you like to tell me some stuff about your sexuality” is sometimes the best way to open a conversation about what you’d like.

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24
Sep


Male orgasm, unlike female orgasm, is considered to be one of the simplest things on earth. Indeed, men, unlike women rarely discuss such hot topics as “How to achieve orgasm” and they never try to define what type of orgasm they achieve, as male orgasm is just orgasm and it cannot be divided into types (unlike female orgasm that can be vaginal, clitoral, G-spot and even extra genital).

Nevertheless, male orgasm is not as simple as it seems.

1. Many Various Organs Are Responsible For Male Orgasm, According To Sexologists.

These organs are as follows: penis, prostate, seminal vesicles and seminal hillocks. Only collaboration of these organs provide climax!

2. Rare Orgasms Increase Risk Of Breast Cancer

This was revealed by Greek physicians. They have found a direct connection between frequency of sex life and risk of breast cancer in men. Of course, men have this disease very rarely, however, they should not forget about the fact that rare orgasms decrease the level of male hormone testosterone. Low level of testosterone increases the risk of breast cancer. Regular sex life prevents many diseases and contributes to better health

3. World Record – 14 Orgasms In A Day

Italian porn actor Rocco Sifferdi is justly considered to be a world sex champion. He managed to make love to 14 women in a day and with each of them he had an orgasm that was registered by observers. Rocco will have to break his own record if he wants to remain the best. An anonymous dare-devil has already claimed he is going to break the hot Italian man’s record through achieving orgasms with 20 women in a day!

4. Male Orgasm Can Be Controlled

Orgasm is preceded by pre-orgasm: during these minutes the penis is very hard and the man experiences something similar to tickling in urethra. This sensation reminds of desire to urinate. If at this moment the man stops intercourse and thinks about something that has nothing to do with sex (for instance about football), his sexual arousal weakens. Thus the man has a chance to delay orgasm and to give his partner a chance to climax!

5. Men Fake Orgasm

For some reason women think that only they pretend to have orgasm and that men never do that since they achieve orgasm much easier than women. This is not true. According to British sociologists 23 percent of British men regularly fake orgasm. Canadian sociologist have even more shocking data: they say that 43 percent of men from time to time pretend to achieve orgasm in bed!

6. There Are Some Certain Signs That Allow To Define Whether A Man Fakes Orgasm

Of course, the main sign that your man did not cum is absence of sperm. No matter how loud he moaned and groaned, absence of ejaculation shows that most probably he did not cum. The man can say that he learned to have “dry” orgasms, however such ability is a very rare phenomena.

One more sign – he tries to get rid of condom so that you could not see how he does that, especially if you usually have to remind him that used condom should not be left behind the bed.

7. Reasons For Faking Orgasm

Men fake orgasm for various reasons. The first reason is stress. Stress might not prevent a man from having erection, but it can prevent him from having orgasm.

The other reason is bad foreplay. In spite of common opinion that only women need foreplay, men do need some time to get turned on enough before the encounter, especially if he is older than thirty. Sometimes they do not manage to get aroused enough and have to pretend so as not to disappoint the partner.

8. Almost 50 Percent Of Men Groan And Moan When Achieve Orgasm

About 20 percent experience orgasm in complete silence, 10 percent often start pinching, biting and even crying. Some even swear with enjoyment!

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24
Sep


This is the lubricant that is able to warm your erogenous zones and make your love plays hotter.

It heats up on contact with skin, with blowing or rubbing the erogenous zones you apply the lube on.

Advantages from using Warming Lubricants

There are the following advantages that the warming lubricant may deliver:

1. heightening physical sensitivity
2. intensifying sexual pleasure
3. creating wonderful unusual sensations
4. making the sexy play hotter and more passionate

Except all these effects, warming lubricant is a perfect non-toxic long-lasting liquid providing the gliding pleasure for both partners. It is latex condoms and sex toys compatible.

But you should always remember that there are some precautions in application:

1. allergy
2. yeast and other infections
3. high skin sensitivity

Warming lubricants contain a certain amount of glycerin or other substances that will become the good food for yeast if you have it. That is why it would be more reasonable to be cured before application.

In comparison with the traditional lubes, warming lubricants have much more content of such ‘provocative’ ingredients and therefore cause the tendency of the infections to grow. This will lead to irritations, discomfort, itching and so on.

Spots

Warming lubricants may be applied to different spots for intensifying the feel. There are different lubes intended for this or that erogenous zones.

For example, water-based warming lubricants with the light warming effect are recommended to use for vaginal sex.

The vaginal skin is very tender and sensitive, thus it is better to use the lubricant with small amount of warming agents.

The silicone-based warming lubes are great for anal sex. It does not block any pores and creates the perfect gliding effect combined with warming sensations.

There is a special kind of warming lubricants intended exclusively for other erogenous zones except vaginal or anal. They contain more intensive warming agent and are too hot. Even a few drops of this lube will make your nipples burn!


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22
Sep


If you ask the average person what defines our sexual age, there’s a good chance he’ll mention AIDS. Almost every week the mass media mention some new study about its prevalence or treatment, or the horrifying statistics of AIDS in Africa.

And yet for many Americans, AIDS is not the sexual problem about which they need to worry most. If you’re heterosexual and not involved in IV drug use (either yourself or through your partner), the chances of contracting AIDS are small.

But sex, unfortunately, is not without risks.

There’s unwanted pregnancy, which arguably changes a person’s life more than anything short of catastrophic illness. There are still several million unintentional pregnancies in America every year. This despite an abundance of birth control methods that really do work — condoms, pills, diaphragms, IUDs, depo-provera, and the most reliable of all, sterilization.

There are also sexually transmitted diseases like chlamydia, herpes and HPV. They won’t kill you, but they can bring plenty of trouble. They can undermine or destroy sterility; create problems during childbirth; interfere with sexual pleasure; and increase the risk of cervical cancer. While all can be treated, herpes and HPV cannot be cured.

Then we have the major league STDs — gonorrhea, syphilis and hepatitis. While they sound like things out of the past (or the gutter), perfectly nice people get them today. And they can ruin your life or kill you.

Finally, a broken heart is always a risk factor in sexual behavior. Sadly, some sexual partners lie, cheat and steal. Neither age nor gender, class, or race can predict or reduce the risk of heartbreak. The human foibles of betrayal and fickleness transcend all such boundaries. A broken heart is serious business for many, often resulting in depression, illness or behavioral acting out.

How do you talk about HIV and STDs? Pick a time when you feel close to your prospective partner, haven’t been drinking, have enough time for a full discussion, and have all or most of your clothes on.

Do it in a simple, straightforward way: “I want to enjoy sex with you, so I need to relax. That means talking about health issues, even though it’s uncomfortable for me. So let’s talk about it, OK?” Talk about the level of sexual experience you’ve had — unprotected intercourse, STDs, sexual contact with gay or bisexual men, intravenous drug use, and anything else you’d want revealed to you by a new partner.

If your would-be partner can’t handle this, or feels insulted, be glad you found out now. That’s why you brought it up.

Undertaking sexual activity thoughtfully means asking questions — and listening carefully to the answers — before leaping into bed with someone. You may be at little or no risk of catching HIV, but there are plenty of other problems out there.

Tips:

  • Condoms do work well if used correctly every time you have intercourse.
  • Learn how to discuss unwanted sexual consequences without apologizing.
  • If you think you have an STD, go to a health care professional immediately.

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