Blog

13
Jul


Our popular culture offers a constant, apocalyptic vision of sexual danger: AIDS, teen pregnancy, date rape, sexual violence and now cyber sexploitation. Add the anxieties of religion, medicine, psychiatry and the law, and it’s easy to understand why many Americans can’t discuss sexual issues rationally.

With our sexuality poisoned by our history, culture and unrealistic expectations, most of us don’t want fantastic orgasms or unending sensual pleasure — we just want to feel less threatened, less inadequate. As a strategy for reducing sexuality deemed abnormal, censorship appears to provide a solution.

Censorship is more than closing a show or jailing a publisher. Its targets include sex education, contraceptive advertising, sex surveys, the Internet, adult bookstores, public nudity and high school libraries.

Censorship has two primary goals: defining what is sexually normal, and announcing which private decisions relating to sex are of public concern. Historically, censorship has been used to control the sexuality of the less powerful: women, youth, and those whose behavior challenges the status quo. No smart feminist would support censorship, not even of pornography.

Those who censor invariably say they can be trusted to judge wisely. This is false as well as illogical. Societies censor because they fear and thus wish to control. There is no limit to what people fear; therefore there is no limit to what they might wish to control.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that as long as your favorite toy, position, book, Web site or store is tolerated, censorship doesn’t affect you. When others have less freedom of responsible self-expression, our own freedom is more fragile. When public policy is based on judgments that demonize others, each of us is vulnerable to being demonized ourselves.

Living in a world that insists certain forms of sexual expression are dangerous, affects us unconsciously. We sense that we are one erotic choice away from being “abnormal,” one song or video away from being a pervert. What’s truly dangerous is when our culture has us mistrusting ourselves.

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Category : Blog
6
Jul


Q. What is sex therapy and how do I know if I need it?

Sex therapy is a set of behavioral and psychotherapeutic techniques used with men, women and couples to enhance sexual functioning. You might see a sex therapist if you don’t get erections when you want to; get excited but can’t climax; have pain with intercourse; or notice your sexual enjoyment declining and don’t know why.

Couples go to a sex therapist when they argue about frequency (she wants sex twice a week, he wants it twice a year); preferences (he wants oral sex, she doesn’t); or what’s acceptable (he wants to watch porn and she doesn’t, or she wants monogamy and he doesn’t). Your psychologist or physician might refer you to sex therapy if they can’t provide a solution to (or they aren’t comfortable with) your difficulty.

How can I be sure the sex therapist is credible?

Above all, a good sex therapist is a good psychotherapist, someone who can ask questions you haven’t thought of, and see patterns you haven’t seen. Select a professional with a good reputation, or get a recommendation from a physician or friend.

You want someone who’s comfortable with sex, and with whom you feel you can tell the truth without being judged. If the therapist seems more interested in him- or herself than in you, flirts with you or suggests that you’re abnormal or kinky, run for the door.

What can I expect in sex therapy?

The therapist will evaluate a range of questions. Are sexual difficulties caused or exacerbated by anger, fear or sadness? Is alcohol involved? Is there performance anxiety? Unrealistic expectations? Misinformation about how bodies work?

He or she will help you see sexuality in the larger context of your life, both present and past. The therapist will also comment on how you talk about your sexual experiences, and if you have a partner, how you talk with each other.

Once the therapist understands your problem and has a treatment plan, you will get homework, often weekly. This may include reading, writing or a guided touching exercise. Masturbation is often assigned. Sometimes, a therapist will ask you to refrain from intercourse (not sex, intercourse) to reduce performance pressure or encourage other forms of erotic connection.

In all, sex therapy is usually a pretty eye-opening experience. You may learn things about yourself or your partner with which you’re uncomfortable. But you won’t walk away unchanged, and you’ll probably have new respect for the complex ways you express — or repress — your sexual energy.

You may very well enjoy sex more than you ever have. You’ll almost certainly understand it better.

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Category : Blog
29
Jun


Our anuses are misunderstood. Loaded with nerve endings, the anus is a definite source of sexual pleasure — once you get past the aesthetic and cultural issues.

According to every recent sex survey, millions of men and women enjoy sexual pleasure involving their anus. Millions more are curious. A few simple facts can enlighten everyone.

Anal play can involve gently stimulating the opening, inserting something into the first half-inch of the rectum or going much further in — with or without vigorous movement. Some people dislike all three, some like one of these, while others like all of them.

The only way to know your partner’s preference is to ask. If you want to experiment with your partner, discuss it when you’re feeling close.

The three most important aspects of anal sex are lubrication, lubrication, lubrication. Use plenty before and during. Equally important is the initial speed, which should be slightly slower than a snail’s pace. Think of this not as an obstacle, but rather as an exotic, sexy part of the experience.

A person on the receiving end should keep relaxing the anal muscles from start to finish. You should communicate with your partner to ensure that any discomfort is immediately relieved, and that he or she feels safe and connected.

Anal stimulation can be combined with other activities: stroking the clitoris, inserting something into the vagina, massaging the prostate, role-playing or spanking.

Because the anus is part of a waste elimination system, care must be taken with bacteria. Never slip a finger, toy or penis from the anus into the vagina. And be careful with fingernails, jewelry and large penises.

Anal play is a time-honored activity that provides couples who communicate well an extra venue for their erotic exploration. You can’t get pregnant from it, which may be a bonus. And a few women consider it the primary way they climax.

Only you, of course, can decide if it’s something you want to explore.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
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