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5
Jan


If your love life has become routine, try these nine ways to put the spark back in the sack.

1. Tell your partner your top 10 fantasies. Can’t say them out loud?, suggests Tracey Cox author of Hot Relationships. She suggests that you each make a list of 10 fantasies, then trade lists with your partner. Toss out what you can’t agree on. Rip the list into separate slips, and put them in jars for him and her. Take one out when the mood strikes.

2. Go shopping. Browse the sexuality section of a bookstore together. “There’s a sense of adventure in discovering what’s out there and making a commitment to trying it,” says Jan Brown, a marriage counselor and believer in hot monogamy.

3. Ask for something new, nicely. “There is a big difference between an invitation to try something new and a lecture,” says Kevin Gogin, a marriage, family and child counselor. Gogin urges couples to use positive words and expressions like, “I thought it would be fun if we…” or “What would you think of…?” Avoid loaded words like “dissatisfied” and “frustrated.”

4. Take a break from sex. “For long-term partners, sex becomes convenient — like going to the refrigerator and grabbing something to eat,” says marriage and family counselor Carol Kaplan. For these folks, taking a breather from all sex, or from just intercourse, can rev up desire and promote greater intimacy (if you spend the time doing other things).

5. Women, think like a guy. French beauty expert Laura Mercier believes American women sabotage their sex appeal with too many hang-ups and too little self-esteem. It’s different in Europe, she says. Confidence, sensuality, character and personality play a bigger role in beauty. “A woman accepts that at 50 she is a gorgeous woman who still has sex.”

6. Men, think like a chick. So advises Bernie Zilbergeld, author of The New Male Sexuality. He urges men to relate more non-sexually and to explore various expressions of affection, including holding hands, cuddling, hugging and kissing.

7. Have sex in the morning. Get it while the getting is good. The end of a trying workday is probably the worst time to initiate intimacy, says sex and couples counselor Eleanor Hamilton.

8. Slow down. That’s the advice of our readers who responded to the article Great Sex Comes to Those Who Age. They say leaving behind the mad rush to orgasm is the secret to great sex.

9. Schedule it. While many of us believe that sex should be spontaneous, who has time for spur of the moment romps? Busy people need to put intimacy on their agenda, but that doesn’t mean the sex has to be sedate.

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Category : Blog
29
Dec


It’s been said that men live through a certain organ, and it’s not the brain. And who can blame them? Men are generally happier when they are sexually satisfied.

Myriad studies confirm this, according to Dr. William Steers, a urologist at the Virginia School of Medicine in Staunton.

“Better quality of life reports are not surprising because we are dealing with a very important part of people’s lives,” he says.

The link between depression and impotence is so strong that, two years ago, researchers at the New England Research Institutes in Watertown, Mass., urged the medical community to screen all patients with erectile dysfunction for depression.

Solutions to sexual problems result in greater happiness. A 1998 study found that men reported significant improvements in well-being, depression and self-control after three months on Viagra.

Steers says that even though the study was conducted by the drug’s manufacturer, Pfizer, it was taken seriously by the American Urological Association.

Similarly, researchers at Duke University Medical Center in Durham, N.C., found that penile injections for impotence, effective in 75 percent of cases, lead to better quality of life.

Steers says it is generally true that the better a man’s sexual functioning, the happier he is liable to be.

Tips:

  • Most men find sex crucial to their happiness.
  • If you’re having erectile dysfunction problems, you may need to consider treatment for depression.
  • Professional help may be your best bet for treating impotence.

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Category : Blog
22
Dec


In some parallel universe, sex is perfect. Not only is it always flat-out fantastic; you get precisely what you want without asking.

In this universe, you have to ask.

1. Make your request an invitation.
Use positive words and phrases, says Kevin Gogin, a marriage and family counselor. “I thought it would be fun if …”

2. Be specific.
It may seem awkward to give a tutorial in the middle of lovemaking, but practice makes perfect.

3. Make everything voluntary.
When you put the pressure on, the message is, “You better give me what I deserve.” Asking instead of telling makes your request a choice.

4. Cater to your partner’s desires.
The more you take interest in what thrills her, the more she will want to do likewise.

5. Feel free to change your mind.
Expressing your likes, writes Dr. Miriam Stoppard in The Magic Of Sex, “doesn’t mean … you might express a different preference on a different occasion.”

6. Be adventurous — a little at a time.
Before you whip out the handcuffs, “start with something simple,” advises Michael Castleman in Sexual Solutions.

7. Master love outside the bedroom.
Do you give her a foot rub without prompting? Do you seek him out the second you walk in the door? Work on giving each other what you want on many levels.

8. Don’t take it too seriously.
Sex may be an important part of your life, but a single experience is not. Keep it fun and playful.

9. Open up to new experiences.
And put them in writing, suggests Tracey Cox, author of Hot Relationships. Each person lists 10 things he or she would like to do in bed. Trade lists. Ditch what you can’t agree on.

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Category : Blog
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