How To Kiss


Most of us don’t freely admit it, but kissing can be the most intimate erotic activity.

You can fantasize about someone else during intercourse, you can tune out a person giving you head, but it’s extremely difficult to ignore someone whose tongue is redecorating the inside of your mouth.

Kissing involves smell, taste, pressure, nonstop communication, and absolute physical proximity — a combination that most other sexual activities can’t match. The other person is so close he can’t be ignored.

Most adolescents love to kiss, but begin to lose interest when genital sex becomes an option. Pity. Kissing can be a satisfying way to have a profound and sexy conversation with someone.

Why do people let it slip away? Partly, its very intimacy can be a little daunting. When you’re kissing, there’s nowhere to hide. In fact, kissing can be an intimacy gauge. Kissing a partner we don’t like, especially an enthusiastic one, can be an awful experience.

Then there’s the issue of style. What if you and your partner like to kiss in different ways? It’s as if one of you is doing the mambo while the other waltzes. Some people prefer subtle and gradual — the stealth tongue approach. Others are more direct and even overpowering — the invading army approach. Neither approach is wrong, but each can be unpleasant to someone who wants something different.

Breath also plays a big role in couples’ kissing compatibility. If she doesn’t like the way he smells or vice versa, kissing can quickly disappear from the repertoire. In fact, since kissing puts us so close to another person, things like dirty hair, scratchy beard, nose hairs and scented makeup can all become key issues in reducing the desire to kiss.

As in many parts of sex, communication is key to getting the kissing thing together. Tell your partner what you like and dislike, and give specific examples. Yes, give each other a kissing clinic, experimenting, evaluating, and letting your partner know when you like what you’re getting.

Approach bad breath without apology. “I want to kiss you more, and would if your mouth smelled differently.” Offer to brush together as a prelude to affection or even sex.

If you don’t want to kiss your mate, that’s a different — and very troubling — story. Losing interest in kissing often indicates deep relationship problems, and is a strong predictor, in my experience, of sexual boredom or incompatibility. Because it’s so intimate and so potentially rewarding, a kissing mismatch should not be ignored. Raise the painful topic with your mate, or see a professional.

Kissing is supposedly how God gets people so close that they can’t see each other’s flaws. If you’re aware of how your partner isn’t satisfying you, talk it over as soon as possible. It will be difficult, but then you’ll have all that great kissing to look forward to.

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