I Didn’t Know I Liked That!

If you enjoy sex, you run the risk of discovering you like something you didn’t know you did.

It could be a nasty fantasy, being touched in a certain place or way, being spoken to in a particular style, maybe even treating your lover differently than usual. Every day, lovers somewhere, someplace, are discovering their anuses, incest fantasies, enjoyment of spanking, and the sexiness of little white socks.

Unfortunately, many people feel bad about what they discover. We reject what feels good because it doesn’t seem wholesome, or manly, womanly, or hetero. Some of us try to avoid fantasies that excite us because they don’t seem “normal.” We won’t explore games that challenge our self-image. And we refuse to admit preferences or curiosity that we fear will lead to rejection.

It’s sad to repudiate newly-discovered parts of ourselves. Sexuality is either a journey of continuing discovery, or a finite set of routines that eventually become predictable. We don’t need to be open to every bizarre idea that flits across our mind, but openness to the discovery of new sexual treats, even by accident, is important.

Besides, fear of learning about our erotic selves demands so much attention during sex, it limits both our physical experience and emotional connection.

Sexually, there’s nothing new: the Romans enjoyed S/M, the Greeks celebrated bisexuality, and the Bible is a hotbed of non-monogamous lust. Fear of our eroticism is old, too. Many suitors feared the fantasies Cleopatra awakened in them. Even 1600 years ago, St. Augustine wasn’t the first to announce he feared where his sexuality was taking him. He invented a God as frightened of sex as he.

Don’t pin your self-image — as normal, or non-slut, middle-aged, or whatever — on cutting off part of your fantasies or experience. All that kinky stuff you might discover — sensitive male nipples, a taste for blindfolds, smelling your partner’s armpits or underwear — excites lots of other people, too. You don’t really think you actually invented some new sexual thing, do you?

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One Response to “I Didn’t Know I Liked That!”

patricia lares May 21, 2010

i would like some information on how to squirt and how to do it

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