Sex: Get it Right the First Time


Unless you’re currently with the person you’ll wind up spending your life with, sooner or later you’re going to have sex with someone for the first time.

Does this idea excite you, terrify you, confuse you — or all three?

If you prepare yourself and your partner, it can be delightful. But if you feel pressured, self-conscious, inadequate and alone, your experience may not be very enjoyable.

How to prepare? First, decide what the sex means to you. Do you see it as the beginning of something important, a casual thing, or friends essentially comforting each other? And what does it mean to your prospective partner? If you don’t know, ask. Make sure the sex means something similar to both of you, or there’ll be two unhappy people afterwards.

What kind of sex do you like? What does your new partner like? Talking about this ahead of time is exquisitely sexy, as you discover each other’s preferences, expertise, and fantasies. Are there likely to be soft words, rough words or complete silence? Costumes, blindfolds or spanking? Gentle caressing or athletic wrestling?

Talking about these things ahead of time sets the tone for the upcoming sex. It also helps you get to know your partner better. Is your new partner comfortable with his or her sexuality? Is he playful, serious or downright narrow-minded? Does she view sex as a creative partnership or just a collision of bodies without much emotional choreography?

Ironically, talking about the kind of sex you’re going to have can help you decide whether you really want sex with this person again or at all.

How someone talks about being sexual with you is probably a much better predictor of the erotic experience you’ll actually have than anything you can observe about her body or the way he sets up the bedroom. Listen, both to the words and to the heart behind them.

Tips:

  • A friendly conversation about sex doesn’t break the mood, it helps create the mood.
  • Make sure you and your prospective partner mean the same thing by being sexual together.
  • Be wary of becoming sexual with someone who says he or she doesn’t want to talk about sex, but prefers to just let it happen.

 




A friendly conversation about sex doesn’t break the mood, it helps create the mood.
Make sure you and your prospective partner mean the same thing by being sexual together.
Be wary of becoming sexual with someone who says he or she doesn’t want to talk about sex, but prefers to just let it happen.

 

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