3
Nov


This week’s topic is cunnilingus — pleasuring a woman’s vulva with your mouth.

Although there are lots of slang names and funny stories about the practice, it’s something that many, many people love. And since both parties frequently enjoy it equally, I don’t usually talk about “giving” and “receiving” cunnilingus. I prefer discussing how people share it.

One of the best things about cunnilingus is that it’s a kind of sex that requires neither an erection nor birth control. Many women say it’s the best (or only) way for them to orgasm. It can, of course, be extremely intimate, and for people with chronic pain in their wrists, hips or elsewhere, it may be a particularly comfortable way to be sexual.

Another thing people like about oral sex is that it’s a chance to stimulate the clitoris directly, which can create intense pleasure for one or both partners. And believe it or not, ladies, your partner probably enjoys your smell and taste — in some cases, wildly enjoys it. If your partner says this is true, believe it. Why else would s/he be so enthusiastic?

While some people who do the licking are quite proud of their technique, others feel uncertain or insecure. As with virtually all things sexual, the main trick is to ask your partner: What do you like? How, exactly, would you like me to do it? How can I tell when you’re really enjoying it? Will you please tell me if you’d like it differently?

Another trick is to make sure you’re comfortable when you start. A neck or knees that start out bent at a funny angle will soon ache — and make you wish that your partner would hurry up and climax. A woman whose body is chilly while she’s being nibbled will find it hard to let go and really enjoy the attention.

Many women shy away from cunnilingus. Why? Various women report that they feel self-conscious about their smell or taste, fear that their vulva is unattractive, feel pressure to orgasm quickly, don’t like losing face-to-face intimacy, or simply don’t believe their partner enjoys it too. This is a shame. You don’t have to look like a model to taste good.

You and your partner can create plenty of intimacy with sounds and caresses. And most of us — male and female alike — could use some practice just lying back and sharing our body. It’s hard to tune out that voice that says, “I’m being selfish, and my partner’s bored,” but good sex depends on it.

Never blow in the vagina, as this could cause medical problems. Other than that, pretty much anything goes — licking (every which way, varying the pressure), gentle sucking (very gentle), chewing (more gums than teeth), humming (deep notes are best), and the occasional finger for variety.

If your partner smells stronger than you’d like, get a warm, damp washcloth and prepare her shrine for worship. Thank her for the opportunity to serve her. She’ll never forget it.

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Category : Blog
1
Jun


Here’s another benefit of education: If you went to college, you’re twice as likely, compared to high-school dropouts, to enjoy oral sex.

Don’t underestimate the importance of going down. Married men will pay strangers if they’re not getting oral sex at home; it’s estimated that 75 percent of New York City streetwalkers’ business is fellatio.

While men love it, many women need it. A survey of Army wives in happy marriages showed they could reach orgasm through intercourse only 25 percent of the time, but with cunnilingus, it’s 81 percent. So be all that you can be!

Just as with gifts, being a good recipient will pay off in the long run. If your partner wants you to bathe first (I always do), do it, without protesting about the importance of natural aroma. Making love is not about scoring political points — it’s about making each other happy.

Here are more tips for giving and getting. Your relationship may depend on it more than you realize.

Cunnilingus

Women sometimes complain that men don’t know what women like. There’s a good reason.

Sex advice columnist Dan Savage recently ran a series of letters from women describing what turned them on, and each had somebody directly contradict them. Some women want their clitoris sucked; others say it hurts.

Some women enjoy a tongue in their labia; others feel violated. Some women like men to hum the alphabet song while licking their clitoris in the shape of the letters; others think that’s childish and a turnoff, even if you can sing it in French.

What struck me about these letters was how many wrote “it’s good” rather than “I like.” It seems women don’t always realize their personal preference is just that.

This does not mean you shouldn’t have cunnilingus just the way you like it. However, you can’t expect your mate to know how that is. Nor, perhaps, do you even know how what’s best yourself.

There may be some exciting new technique you haven’t even tried that will revolutionize your sex life. Happy experimenting.

Don’t go straight for the genitals.

Many women find a direct clitoral assault physically painful. Kiss a bit and stroke the inner thighs first.

Get comfortable, both of you.

I like to be on my back when I’m performing cunnilingus, with a pillow or two under my head for neck support. I hate it when she’s on her back, but some women like the feel of the man kneeling before her. However, remember that if you ask your partner to do something that makes them uncomfortable, they’re not likely to volunteer often.

One more point — some nights women just don’t feel like getting head, even if they ordinarily enjoy it. If she says no twice and tries to push you away, believe her.

Hum while you lick and suck.

This turns your mouth into a vibrator. However, never blow air into the vagina — pregnant women have died from embolisms.

Ladies, moan loudly when you like something.

Don’t be shy about giving him direct instructions on where to lick, either. If you don’t tell him, he won’t know.

Fellatio

Conventional wisdom says fellatio is easier to get right than cunnilingus. There’s a barroom joke that goes, “I just had the worst blow job of my life. It was great.”

But Shere Hite reported that slightly more women can reach orgasm through oral sex than men. Most men like fellatio as foreplay, but as gay men with sore jaws will tell you, it’s not so easy to make it the final act.

Fortunately, men’s preferences are far more predictable in receiving oral sex than women’s. These tips will help pleasure most guys, presumably even Hugh Grant.

Keep your word, men.

If you promise not to come in her mouth, keep your promise. Otherwise, you may have traded hours of pleasurable fellatio foreplay for hours of apologizing and begging her to give you another chance.

If she doesn’t like the taste of semen, you can improve it through your diet. Pineapple juice is the most famous tonic. I drank a quart of this one afternoon and my partner, who wasn’t happy about participating in this experiment even for journalistic purposes, said it gave a pleasant enough citrus flavor that she was willing to try it again with different juices. (“Maybe mango next,” she said.) That’s a small price to pay, boys.

Pretend it’s a surprisingly warm popsicle.

Don’t be shy about handling the penis. You can save yourself a lot of gagging by gripping the base firmly and concentrating your mouth on the head and top of the shaft.

Men like it when you lick the shaft, and particularly when you lick the frenulum — a small strip of skin just below the head on the underside.

However, there’s no substitute for taking it in your mouth and just sucking. If you can lick while you’re doing it, even better. Pressure, motion and moisture will drive most men to distraction.

Try some additional flavoring.

Altoids got a great advertising boost when people began telling about sucking the mints at the same time they were giving fellatio. It’s an interesting change of pace — try it.

Other worthwhile experiments: hold a small ice cube in your mouth, or take occasional sips of hot tea.

Love me, love my Johnson.

Men place an enormous amount of personal value on their penis. If you love your man, think of his penis the same way — as an embodiment of him, who you’re making deliriously happy.

The best head I’ve ever received has depended not on technique, but on feeling: I feel like she really enjoyed doing it. Learn to feel this, or fake it convincingly, and you’ll have your partner glaze-eyed in no time.

 

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