7
Sep


Each week, dozens of people write to me asking for sexual advice or information. Here are answers to some of the most common questions:

How do I increase the size of my penis?

You can’t. The tissue in penises is not the kind you can pump up with exercise. There’s nothing you can permanently inject or implant into it safely. And there’s no plastic surgery to enhance it. Fortunately, overwhelming numbers of people making love with men insist that penis size does not matter to them.

How do I tell my mate what I want (or don’t want) sexually?

There’s no substitute for clear, direct, simple statements. Most people want more information from their partner, not less. So just tell him or her what you want. Do it in a friendly, non-complaining way when you have plenty of time to listen to each other. And do not bring up other issues during the conversation; write them down for future talks.

How can a woman climax more easily?

Most women climax from stimulation of the clitoris, not from vaginal intercourse. And each woman’s preferences differ. So every woman needs to instruct her partner on how she wants to be touched. Several lessons are usually needed; make them as enjoyable and friendly as you can, rather than mechanical or grim. A lubricant, vibrator, mirror, music or refreshments may help; lessons should be no longer than 30 minutes each.

I think my partner is fooling around with someone else. What are the signs of infidelity?

Don’t play detective or psychologist. If you have evidence or suspicions, tell your partner. Ask for an explanation. If it’s at all plausible, believe it. If you have continued suspicions, go with your partner to a marriage counselor. If you’re in obvious pain, and your mate is innocent, he/she will probably go willingly.

Tips:

  • Sexual communication starts before you take off your clothes — learn to enjoy getting to know each other better.
  • Remember, there’s no such thing as “normal” sexual preferences. Talk about what you like and dislike, not what’s “right.”
  • Mistrust undermines eroticism. If there’s something you’re uneasy about, clear it up as soon as possible.

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3
Aug


Now it’s time to have orgasm without ejaculation. This takes more practice than the Kegels, and it’s trickier, but it’s worth it.

The key is to pull yourself to the very brink of ejaculation and then stop all friction. I found it helps a great deal to press myself in the perineum, the skin between the genitals and the anus. Some books recommend pinching the head of the penis with three fingers, but this didn’t work for me — the additional pressure sent me over the edge.

The first time you stop at the border, you probably won’t have an orgasm. But keep it up. Go just short of ejaculation, stop stroking and press your perineum, and wait until you’re in control again.

It’s tricky to find your personal boundary; the point where you’re maybe one stroke short of ejaculating. I would say I stopped at the border at least 25 times before I was able to have an orgasm without ejaculating. But it’s like being a budding X-Man: once you discover how to use your powers, it gets increasingly easy to use them again and again. Just call me ShudderMan.

Some books recommend trying this through masturbation first, because you have greater control. Luckily, I have a partner who was willing to take me to the brink orally. I think this works better than penetrative intercourse at first because just sliding out of the vagina can be enough to push you over.

Once you’ve mastered the technique, however, you can prolong vaginal intercourse until you’re both exhausted, or maybe until the kids have to go to college. When you do finally let go and ejaculate, the final orgasm is extremely intense.

So what are you waiting for? Oh, the restroom. Sorry, I’ll just be another few minutes.

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29
Jun


Our anuses are misunderstood. Loaded with nerve endings, the anus is a definite source of sexual pleasure — once you get past the aesthetic and cultural issues.

According to every recent sex survey, millions of men and women enjoy sexual pleasure involving their anus. Millions more are curious. A few simple facts can enlighten everyone.

Anal play can involve gently stimulating the opening, inserting something into the first half-inch of the rectum or going much further in — with or without vigorous movement. Some people dislike all three, some like one of these, while others like all of them.

The only way to know your partner’s preference is to ask. If you want to experiment with your partner, discuss it when you’re feeling close.

The three most important aspects of anal sex are lubrication, lubrication, lubrication. Use plenty before and during. Equally important is the initial speed, which should be slightly slower than a snail’s pace. Think of this not as an obstacle, but rather as an exotic, sexy part of the experience.

A person on the receiving end should keep relaxing the anal muscles from start to finish. You should communicate with your partner to ensure that any discomfort is immediately relieved, and that he or she feels safe and connected.

Anal stimulation can be combined with other activities: stroking the clitoris, inserting something into the vagina, massaging the prostate, role-playing or spanking.

Because the anus is part of a waste elimination system, care must be taken with bacteria. Never slip a finger, toy or penis from the anus into the vagina. And be careful with fingernails, jewelry and large penises.

Anal play is a time-honored activity that provides couples who communicate well an extra venue for their erotic exploration. You can’t get pregnant from it, which may be a bonus. And a few women consider it the primary way they climax.

Only you, of course, can decide if it’s something you want to explore.

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