18
May


How taboo is talk about masturbation? When Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders suggested that we consider teaching it as a way of reducing HIV transmission, they ran her out of Washington faster than the mayor who was caught on video smoking crack.

In fact, that mayor got re-elected after he got out of prison, whereas Dr. Elders has fewer conference invitations than Pee Wee Herman. But she had a point — there are many benefits to learning to masturbate better.

But not many Americans are open to it. We still cling to the mindset of Swiss doctor S.A.D. Tissot’s 1741 book Onanism, or a Treatise on the Disorders of Masturbation, which suggested that practitioners could go blind. In the 1800s, both the graham cracker and Kellogg’s Corn Flakes were invented to keep young men from taking themselves in hand.

Silly, huh? But little has changed.

In 1993, the Janus Report on Sexual Behavior revealed that just 13 percent of American Protestants think masturbation is a natural part of adult life. The Sex in America survey the following year showed that half of all Americans who masturbate feel guilty about it.

And Joani Blank, founder of sexual goods shop Good Vibrations, told of an electronics manufacturer that stopped selling its vibrators to a store in Austin, Tex. when it learned they were being sold as sexual aids. So much for centuries of enlightenment.

If you need to be convinced not to feel guilty, consider this — masturbation has bona fide health benefits. Orgasms have been reported to increase circulation, improve skin tone, strengthen the immune system, release tension and promote psychological well being in both men and women. For women, masturbating can help ease some of the symptoms of menopause, such as vaginal dryness and lost muscle.

“It improves self-esteem, because if you can give yourself pleasure, that comes along with feeling you deserve pleasure,” Blank said. “It also improves your sex with a partner because you know more about your own response. It’s a great way to relax at bedtime, and a great waker-upper.”

You may be saying, “I think I know how to do that just fine, thank you.” Maybe. But both men and women can use masturbation as a form of lifelong learning. For men, masturbation is a great way to teach yourself to have multiple orgasms.

For many women, masturbation is the most likely, if not the only, way to reach orgasm. Some women are lucky, but most have to learn to have orgasms just like you learn to ride a bicycle.

A vibrator is essential equipment for this particular course, but many women are timid about going into a shop to buy one. Fortunately, nowadays you can buy one online without any shopkeepers leering at you.

Blank said the most popular vibrator at her store is, ironically, one that isn’t made for masturbation: the Hitachi Magic Wand, designed for body massage.

“It’s good and big and strong and it’s good for massage as well as sex. It has a good wide head. It plugs into the wall instead of using batteries.”

But a vibrator choice is — dare we say it? — intensely personal. You might prefer a waterproof one for the tub, or a compact clitoral-only version. The point is to just order one and find out.

And whatever you do, don’t feel guilty. You work out and eat right to keep your body in shape; you follow your stock portfolio to keep your finances in shape. Masturbating regularly keeps your sexual response systems in shape. And I don’t know about you, but I find it a lot more satisfying lately than following my stock portfolio.

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Category : Blog
25
Apr


For those who have them, multiple orgasms are typically a source of pleasure and even amazement. For those who don’t, they’re often a non-issue. For others, they can be a holy grail that is envied and earnestly chased.

Multiple orgasms are possible for women because unlike men, women have no refractory period — that mandatory reloading time after orgasm, before arousal can build and make another orgasm possible. For all our culture’s talk of penis envy, this is the sexual aspect of women that many men envy.

A small number of men apparently are able to have multiple orgasms by separating orgasm from ejaculation — that is they have a sexual climax without the ejaculation that wilts the penis and triggers the refractory period. Several popular books claim to teach this ability, but my clinical experience suggests that virtually no man can accomplish this.

Just as different women prefer different pathways to orgasm — emphasizing vaginal or clitoral or G-spot stimulation — women also take different pathways to multiple orgasm. But even with the perfect stimulation, some women can only do this when they’re in a certain part of their menstrual cycle, or with a certain partner (someone they love, say, or someone they don’t), when they’re especially relaxed or horny, or when the moon is full.

Many women can’t even predict when it’ll happen. They kind of get scooped up by a runaway erotic train, hang on for the ride, and come back to earth when it’s done.

How can you make this experience more likely? First, you have to know how to have one orgasm. If you don’t, read Lonnie Barbach’s For Yourself. Then you need to learn to tolerate increasing amounts of sexual stimulation while you’re sensitive from having just climaxed. Try slow, deep breathing, while getting slow, gentle (or firm, it’s your call) stimulation.

Think of yourself as sinking into an erotic valley rather than climbing an erotic mountain. Hopefully, your arousal will gradually increase as your post-orgasm sensitivity subsides. When you feel another orgasm start to take over, well, you know what to do then.

Then there’s only one question: when do you stop climaxing and start eating, sleeping or working?

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
11
Apr


Female Orgasms. It’s a subject I’m often asked about. Here are the answers to three common questions about female orgasms.

Q: I rarely come with my boyfriend, even though I come fine by myself. What should we do?

A: Since you come fine when you get the stimulation you like, the primary question is, are you getting this stimulation with your partner? Most women with orgasm difficulties expect to climax from intercourse alone (which rarely provides adequate stimulation), or from touching that isn’t to their liking. Is your fear of the big bad male ego preventing you from telling your mate what you like? If you’re giving more explicit information to the person who makes your lunch than to your sexual partner, there’s something wrong.

Another reason some women fail to climax with a partner is that they’re self-conscious — about the way they look, smell, taste or sound. Sex is not the time to be ladylike, and orgasm is not the time to think about your appearance. Everyone looks and sounds funny when they come. As for taste and smell, ask your partner. Many men love a woman’s vaginal juices and their place of origin. You don’t have to like it, if he does, that’s good enough.

Finally, some women have trouble coming with a partner because they don’t trust or like him, or don’t trust or like men in general. If that’s the case, either get a different partner or see a professional therapist.

Q: It takes me too long to cum. What should I do?

A: Are you having sex with a stopwatch? Is your partner in a hurry to get to his broker or to church? Most women concerned about taking too long are afraid their partner is getting bored. Rather than pressuring yourself to come quicker, ask your partner how he genuinely feels about this. If either of you is bored, make sex more entertaining. If you’re using a vibrator together, add some kissing, nipple sucking (his or yours), or other pleasures. Talk or caress each other. Don’t strain to come — it’ll take longer, and you won’t enjoy anything that’s going on, clitoral or otherwise,

Q: I saw a film in which women ejaculated when they climaxed. How can I do that?

A: A tiny percentage of women expel fluid when they climax (leaking a bit of urine is actually more common). Mostly either you do or you don’t; it’s not something you can practice. What you can do is experiment with your G Spot, a nickel-size area on the front inside wall of your vagina. In some women this spot becomes very sensitive after they’re excited, and continued stimulation can lead to orgasm. Occasionally, this orgasm is accompanied by about a half-teaspoon of fluid.

Your other option is to become a porn star — that is, have someone edit the footage of your sexual encounters to give you a female ejaculation. Added, of course, to a gigantic orgasm just from looking at an erect penis.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
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