20
Apr


Our emotions affect our sexual functioning. It sounds obvious when you say it, but many people behave as if they don’t realize this.

Sexual response is a reflex. We perceive a physical or mental stimulus (say, a caress or a fantasy). This message travels to the brain, which sends a message down the spinal cord to various parts of the body, instructing them to respond with tingling, extra blood flow, etc.

Emotions are electrical and chemical events in the body. They either facilitate or disrupt the sex-related messages going up and down the spinal column. Thus, if your partner says, “your skin tastes good,” your emotions facilitate a sexual response. But if your partner calls you the wrong name, your emotions disrupt the sexual response. This is how common feelings such as anger, anxiety, sadness and frustration interfere with reflexes such as erection, lubrication and orgasm.

Many people tolerate negative emotions during sex in silence. Most men and women have experienced sex that made them feel uncomfortable. This could be due to anxiety about performance, fear or anger about being coerced, or sadness about having their needs ignored.

Bodies in these situations rarely respond in an ideal way. Unfortunately, people frequently blame themselves, rather than the situation, for their inadequate response. This is often the beginning of believing that they have a dysfunction. That leads to more anxiety during subsequent lovemaking, undermining sexual functioning even more.

Unlike computers, our bodies respond to irrational factors like expectations, memories and emotions. This means that being aware of our emotions is essential for satisfying sex. Your feelings may embarrass, surprise or confuse you, but they’re real, and their impact on sexual function is also real.

Penises and vulvas usually tell the truth: a frightened penis often shrivels; an angry vulva often tightens shut, and sad mouths rarely relax and enjoy kissing.

Admitting to yourself how you really feel may be uncomfortable, and discussing it with a partner may be even more uncomfortable. But there’s no substitute for connecting with yourself–or your partner–emotionally. It’s a key step toward healthy sexual functioning.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
25
Apr


For those who have them, multiple orgasms are typically a source of pleasure and even amazement. For those who don’t, they’re often a non-issue. For others, they can be a holy grail that is envied and earnestly chased.

Multiple orgasms are possible for women because unlike men, women have no refractory period — that mandatory reloading time after orgasm, before arousal can build and make another orgasm possible. For all our culture’s talk of penis envy, this is the sexual aspect of women that many men envy.

A small number of men apparently are able to have multiple orgasms by separating orgasm from ejaculation — that is they have a sexual climax without the ejaculation that wilts the penis and triggers the refractory period. Several popular books claim to teach this ability, but my clinical experience suggests that virtually no man can accomplish this.

Just as different women prefer different pathways to orgasm — emphasizing vaginal or clitoral or G-spot stimulation — women also take different pathways to multiple orgasm. But even with the perfect stimulation, some women can only do this when they’re in a certain part of their menstrual cycle, or with a certain partner (someone they love, say, or someone they don’t), when they’re especially relaxed or horny, or when the moon is full.

Many women can’t even predict when it’ll happen. They kind of get scooped up by a runaway erotic train, hang on for the ride, and come back to earth when it’s done.

How can you make this experience more likely? First, you have to know how to have one orgasm. If you don’t, read Lonnie Barbach’s For Yourself. Then you need to learn to tolerate increasing amounts of sexual stimulation while you’re sensitive from having just climaxed. Try slow, deep breathing, while getting slow, gentle (or firm, it’s your call) stimulation.

Think of yourself as sinking into an erotic valley rather than climbing an erotic mountain. Hopefully, your arousal will gradually increase as your post-orgasm sensitivity subsides. When you feel another orgasm start to take over, well, you know what to do then.

Then there’s only one question: when do you stop climaxing and start eating, sleeping or working?

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
11
Apr


Female Orgasms. It’s a subject I’m often asked about. Here are the answers to three common questions about female orgasms.

Q: I rarely come with my boyfriend, even though I come fine by myself. What should we do?

A: Since you come fine when you get the stimulation you like, the primary question is, are you getting this stimulation with your partner? Most women with orgasm difficulties expect to climax from intercourse alone (which rarely provides adequate stimulation), or from touching that isn’t to their liking. Is your fear of the big bad male ego preventing you from telling your mate what you like? If you’re giving more explicit information to the person who makes your lunch than to your sexual partner, there’s something wrong.

Another reason some women fail to climax with a partner is that they’re self-conscious — about the way they look, smell, taste or sound. Sex is not the time to be ladylike, and orgasm is not the time to think about your appearance. Everyone looks and sounds funny when they come. As for taste and smell, ask your partner. Many men love a woman’s vaginal juices and their place of origin. You don’t have to like it, if he does, that’s good enough.

Finally, some women have trouble coming with a partner because they don’t trust or like him, or don’t trust or like men in general. If that’s the case, either get a different partner or see a professional therapist.

Q: It takes me too long to cum. What should I do?

A: Are you having sex with a stopwatch? Is your partner in a hurry to get to his broker or to church? Most women concerned about taking too long are afraid their partner is getting bored. Rather than pressuring yourself to come quicker, ask your partner how he genuinely feels about this. If either of you is bored, make sex more entertaining. If you’re using a vibrator together, add some kissing, nipple sucking (his or yours), or other pleasures. Talk or caress each other. Don’t strain to come — it’ll take longer, and you won’t enjoy anything that’s going on, clitoral or otherwise,

Q: I saw a film in which women ejaculated when they climaxed. How can I do that?

A: A tiny percentage of women expel fluid when they climax (leaking a bit of urine is actually more common). Mostly either you do or you don’t; it’s not something you can practice. What you can do is experiment with your G Spot, a nickel-size area on the front inside wall of your vagina. In some women this spot becomes very sensitive after they’re excited, and continued stimulation can lead to orgasm. Occasionally, this orgasm is accompanied by about a half-teaspoon of fluid.

Your other option is to become a porn star — that is, have someone edit the footage of your sexual encounters to give you a female ejaculation. Added, of course, to a gigantic orgasm just from looking at an erect penis.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
G Spot | About Us | Privacy Policy | Contact Us | Sitemap