Okay gentlemen. Time to stop reading this and to turn to something more appropriate. Female ejaculation has been appropriated by male doctors and researchers enough as it is. Not to mention those men who view the female body as something to conquer in bed and see giving pleasure (be it in the form of intercourse, orgasm or now ejaculation) purely in the selfish terms of their own status. Bearing this in mind we present the recommendations of Shannon Bell below.

STEP ONE: Find what has come to be known as your “G-Spot”. But don’t call it that, because the G is named after Grafenberg, a man. (If we may offer a suggestion, how about the “E-Spot”… E for ejaculate, ecstasy, emancipation and so on…) It is the muscle and spongy tissue that is around that part of the urethra that is inside the vagina. It begins about a finger (more or less) inside your vagina and is about a finger wide. If the muscles that go around your vagina. have not been used much, they have to be built up (if you have trouble finding the PC (pubococcygeus) muscles, try stopping and starting the flow of urine next time you pee. This uses the PC muscles, and is useful for men to do too). The muscles can be built up by doing contractions; contracting the top of your vagina against the bottom and releasing. This is fun and you could have an orgasm or two. You could start by doing twenty five. . . three times a day for one week, then fifty three times a day, then one hundred (easily done subtly, for example in lessons, waiting for the bus, reading Scrapie etc.)

STEP TWO: Using whichever hand you usually masturbate with, take two or three fingers and rub them against the part of your urethra inside your vagina. Press hard and notice the feeling which may seem like having to urinate. This is a signal that you are ready to ejaculate. Now, place the middle finger slightly below the external part of your urethra and begin to masturbate the same way you rub your clitoris. (‘Begin with a firm slow up and down motion, increasing speed and pressure as I approach ejaculation). As you are masturbating you will notice that the two ducts, one at each side of your urethra, feel full and perhaps somewhat painful. There are twenty-nine ducts scattered over the top of your vagina and once you locate the body sensation you will be able to locate them on your lower abdomen. They are located in a pyramid from your clitoris to just above your ovaries.

STEP THREE: Take your hand and press down on one or more of the ducts from the outside. Push your urethra out and push, the way you do when you urinate. A crucial aspect of ejaculating is that it is necessary to PUSH OUT Liquid will come shooting out of your urethra in a steady stream or a jet. I can ejaculate only in positions in which I can push my entire pelvis up and out; on my knees with legs a foot and a half apart; on my back with my pelvis raised up; weight distributed on my feet and shoulders, and knees at least two feet apart; and, squatting or standing, again with feet far enough apart so I can push my urethra up and out. If your partner is female, you may well be able to help her ejaculate. As you stimulate her interior vaginal wall and the exterior part of her urethra, get her to push out when ready. You will both feel the glands and ducts around the urethra swelling and filling with liquid. If the muscles have atrophied, as mine had, contraction exercises may be required.

What ejaculation will do for you sexually is to give you a powerful pleasurable kinesthetic, visual, and auditory experience – a total body experience. You can repeat it almost indefinitely once your body awakens to it.

EJACULATE: The ejaculate changes in amount, colour, odour, and taste during your menstrual cycle. At ovulation the fluid is very hot (it corresponds to your vaginal temperature), thick, yellow, and pungent. Following ovulation the fluid is thinner, there is more of it, it is clear, and pleasantly salty. It remains this way until bleeding starts, at which point it is again thick for the first day or two. It then returns to being clear.

HEALTH: I have found that ejaculating during ovulation – because it reduces vaginal temperature – reduces yeast infections that result from the increase in vaginal temperature at ovulation.

SAFER SEX: The same safe sex rules apply to girl cum as to boy cum: keep it out of all mucous membranes and your blood stream; keep it out of your partner’s eyes.

So there we have it; a do-it-yourself guide to reclaiming your body. We should like to end on an empirical note by confirming the existence of female ejaculation. We have come across women ejaculating (and had them cum across us). Make no mistake. It is an experience we unreservedly recommend.

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