20
Dec


  1. Yule logs last for hours!
  2. Everyone dons gay apparel.
  3. He knows you’ve been naughty — and girlfriend, he spanks!
  4. Stuffing’s so versatile.
  5. Women don’t mind if you watch football after.
  6. One word: giblets.
  7. On Prancer, on Vixen? Whatever turns you on.
  8. Right afterward, OK when guys settle in for a long winter’s nap.
  9. Yelling “Ho, Ho!” in an alleyway won’t get you busted.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
17
Nov


Reader Question:

I used to have an active sex life, but lately I have no interest in sex with my girlfriend. Part of it may be because I feel criticized and unappreciated by her. She often compares me to ex-lovers. I’ve turned to magazines and fantasies to fulfill my needs. Is something wrong with me or what?

My Answer: Your question seems to be, “Since I’ve been feeling sexually pressured I’ve lost my desire for my partner. What should I do?”

This is a common experience. Of course it’s alarming. But it’s only confusing because, like many people, you assume that your sexual desire for someone should remain constant in the face of strong, repetitive, unpleasant emotions. This is simply unrealistic.

You mention many reasons to be turned off to your girlfriend: feeling criticized, unappreciated and compared to ex-lovers. I’m sure you feel angry, hurt, powerless and defensive.

Notice, however, that your sexuality has not turned off altogether: You still masturbate and fantasize about other women. It sounds as if you are functioning quite reasonably under the circumstances. You feel sexual, but you hesitate to connect sexually with a girlfriend with whom you don’t feel safe.

There is important information in this experience. When you stop desiring someone — or your body stops cooperating — there’s a reason. It’s a good sign that you’re sensitive enough to be so bothered by the hostility and lack of intimacy in this relationship. What should you do? First you need to decide if you want to try to repair the relationship. If you do, ask your girlfriend if she will do it with you. If she insists that the problem is all you, or demands that you fix it yourself, ask her again — urgently and without criticism. If she still won’t agree to work with you, the relationship is shot and it’s time to move on.

If she is interested in working on things with you, a couples counselor may be able to help. Go see one right away. Fortunately, there’s plenty two people can do without a counselor. Talk honestly about the kind of relationship you each want. Talk about what you need from each other. Talk about what gets in the way of giving that to each other.

For example, you can tell her that you love sex with her, and imagine having it, say, once a week or so. If this contrasts too drastically with what she wants, it’s time to separate. But if she’s interested in great sex about once a week, or you can imagine wanting sex more often when you’re feeling close, then you two can talk about how to create that. In your case, feeling accepted for exactly who you are and establishing friendly ways of talking to each other are important aspects of feeling sexually alive and available.

This kind of conversation is often difficult, time-consuming and frustrating. But grown-up relationships cannot thrive without such conversations. The only alternatives are an angry, drama-filled relationship, or a very quiet, lonely house.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
13
Oct


What would you put in a time capsule to be opened a century from now if the subject were sexuality? How would you represent our eroticism? What objects would you use to help future generations understand us — and, for that matter, to help your partners understand you?

Here, in no particular order, are some suggestions. Have fun adding your own.

• Vibrator: These started out as a way for women to learn about their bodies and enjoy themselves. Now, millions of couples use them to expand their repertoire beyond intercourse.

• Condom: An incredibly thin, strong device that prevents both unwanted pregnancy and disease. Hard to believe they were illegal for unmarried Americans in the last century.

• Tampon: A perfect example of how life is easier when you’re willing to deal with sexuality and your body directly.

• Beer bottle: Too many people have their first sexual experience while they’ve been drinking. As a result, people often do things they regret. And, of course, it’s really hard to enjoy sex when you’re drunk.

• Electric bill: Representing the telephone, computer, VCR and other electronic ways we now express our sexuality.

• Porn film: Whether you enjoy them or not, they do show people smiling and enjoying what they’re doing — which is what we look like if we’re fortunate, and wish we did if we’re not.

• AIDS poster: AIDS has replaced Communism as the reason that people can’t enjoy themselves or trust each other. Interestingly, although most middle-class single people say it concerns them, most have never had a long, serious conversation with a partner about it. Honest conversation will always be more intimate — and therefore more difficult — than sex.

• Therapy bill: Sexuality is still the source of an enormous amount of emotional pain for many people. Whether because of childhood trauma, guilt, shame, and ignorance, or sexual dysfunction, millions of American men and women suffer about sex — and can’t seem to get the help they need.

• Mirror: One of the things that undermines sexual desire and enjoyment for many women is embarrassment or discomfort about their bodies. Unfortunately, many women have unrealistic ideas about how they’re supposed to look — or how their mates expect them to look.

• Lipstick: Remember when you used to love to kiss? As an adult, do you kiss as much as you like?

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
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