21
Mar


Once you identify which scripts your relationship follows, you can begin to recognize the role you play. Let’s say you mostly follow the garden story, but you pick up the business script—organizing, budgeting and planning every last detail—every time you go on vacation. Your partner may feel overwhelmed by the urgency of your approach in this area.

One fascinating tenet of Sternberg’s theory is that some people may never find a mate who shares a given script. The best they can hope for is to meet someone with a more compatible script.

Not all shared scripts are matches made in heaven. Consider these “asymmetrical” relationships.

The Teacher-Student Story
Like Rita in the movie, the student is likely to assert herself after a time and ruffle the feathers of her teacher. If the student doesn’t progress, there can be other problems; the teacher grows tired of handholding. Either way, eventually resentments arise.

The Sacrifice Story
Some people are just happiest giving and serving and slaving on another’s behalf. Resentments may develop on the part of the giver, just as contempt may grow on the part of the receiver.

The Police Story
The themes are suspicion, surveillance and punishment. It is a mistake to assume that the man always plays the bad cop, says Sternberg. The biggest problem with this love story is that it frequently degenerates into a far worse script, like the horror story.

The Horror Story
A short distance stands between surveillance and stalking, scolding and battery.

O.J. Simpson may not have been found guilty, but the prosecution presented a case detailing his alleged progression from bad cop to terrorizer.

Unfortunately, many people don’t learn from the sad movies they’ve starred in, says Sternberg. They go right on to another relationship with the same typecasting, pairing up again with someone who works in their unhappy script.

The theory of Love Stories helps us understand our emotions and our values. By better understanding who we are and why we act in predictable ways, we have a fighting chance to combat the notion that history must repeat itself.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
28
Dec


Lubricants are just about a lover’s best friend.

Lubricants make intercourse easier, help maximize pleasure, are essential for hand jobs and keep condoms from tearing.

They’re especially helpful in a variety of situations. For example, as women get older, their natural lubrication becomes thinner, and there’s often less of it. Similarly, medications such as birth-control pills and antihistamines can make it harder to lubricate.

When playing rough, tiny genital tears can be prevented with a lubricant. During menstruation, tampons often absorb everything — lubrication as well as menstrual flow — so again, it’s lube to the rescue. And for many men, masturbating without a lubricant is like, uh, an awfully dry hand stroking a dry penis. Not only is this less interesting, it can actually hurt.

Today, your supermarket carries more brands of lubricants than brands of milk. Each one is slightly different, varying in consistency, smell or germ-fighting ingredients. It can be lots of fun to buy a bunch of lubes and discover which you like best. Flavored? Odorless? Bacteriocidal?

It’s all a matter of individual preference, with one exception — oil and latex do not mix. An oil-based lubricant will destroy condoms, so use only water-soluble products with them. This is also good advice for any lube that goes inside the vagina or anus — use something that’s easy to wash out with soap and water.

Some people resist using a lubricant because they feel that lubes represent a failure — either his failure to excite her enough, or her failure to produce enough. This is an unfortunate attitude.

A woman’s lubrication is a function of many things, only one of which is her excitement. Her lubrication is never a measure of her or her partner’s competence. Indeed, experienced lovers use lubricants regardless of what a woman produces on her own. They appreciate the variety, the ease of use and the sheer playfulness of the stuff.

In fact, people have been known to enjoy playing around with their hands, genitals and lubricant so much, they forget to have intercourse. It happens, although I’ve never heard anyone complain.

Tips:

  • Put some lube inside a condom to create a tighter fit, and to increase the sensations of body heat.
  • Take out and open the lube before you get too involved in sex.
  • We use lubricants to enhance sexual pleasure, not because someone has failed.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
30
Nov


Falling in love never grows old. Regardless of your age, a new romance softens the hardest of hearts and awakens long lost regions of the soul.

Clinical psychologist and couples therapist Ayala Pines reflects on the significance love plays in our lives:

Does romantic love ever become a lower priority for people?

I don’t think so. Romantic love is especially important for men and women in midlife. A number of women in their fifties find the great love of their lives. Forty- and fifty-year-old men are connecting to the female side of their personalities and long for greater intimacy with their partners. Even if your sex drive goes down (due to a decline in sex hormones), there is no reason why romantic love should have a lower priority at this age.

How can a couple rekindle a relationship?

When the love in a relationship dies completely, no amount of rekindling will help. But if a few embers are still smoldering, try and inject some adrenaline (the elixir of love) into the relationship by taking a trip abroad, hiking, taking a dance class or going on a spiritual retreat. Couples therapy can also help.

Why do you feel one of the best opportunities for personal growth is within the context of a romantic relationship?

We’ve all been in situations where the things that attract us most in the beginning of a relationship become a great source of stress later on. She loved his sense of humor but later complains they can’t hold a serious conversation, or he was attracted to her sensitivity but complains later that she is too sensitive. If you can control your urge to withdraw when things get tough — a great challenge and opportunity for growth — you can give each other what you need most (or complete the unfinished emotional business of your childhood), and also grow in the direction you need as an individual.

When the love in a relationship dies completely, no amount of rekindling will help. But if a few embers are still smoldering, try and inject some adrenaline (the elixir of love) into the relationship by taking a trip abroad, hiking, taking a dance class or going on a spiritual retreat. Couples therapy can also help.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
G Spot | About Us | Privacy Policy | Contact Us | Sitemap