5
Jan


If your love life has become routine, try these nine ways to put the spark back in the sack.

1. Tell your partner your top 10 fantasies. Can’t say them out loud?, suggests Tracey Cox author of Hot Relationships. She suggests that you each make a list of 10 fantasies, then trade lists with your partner. Toss out what you can’t agree on. Rip the list into separate slips, and put them in jars for him and her. Take one out when the mood strikes.

2. Go shopping. Browse the sexuality section of a bookstore together. “There’s a sense of adventure in discovering what’s out there and making a commitment to trying it,” says Jan Brown, a marriage counselor and believer in hot monogamy.

3. Ask for something new, nicely. “There is a big difference between an invitation to try something new and a lecture,” says Kevin Gogin, a marriage, family and child counselor. Gogin urges couples to use positive words and expressions like, “I thought it would be fun if we…” or “What would you think of…?” Avoid loaded words like “dissatisfied” and “frustrated.”

4. Take a break from sex. “For long-term partners, sex becomes convenient — like going to the refrigerator and grabbing something to eat,” says marriage and family counselor Carol Kaplan. For these folks, taking a breather from all sex, or from just intercourse, can rev up desire and promote greater intimacy (if you spend the time doing other things).

5. Women, think like a guy. French beauty expert Laura Mercier believes American women sabotage their sex appeal with too many hang-ups and too little self-esteem. It’s different in Europe, she says. Confidence, sensuality, character and personality play a bigger role in beauty. “A woman accepts that at 50 she is a gorgeous woman who still has sex.”

6. Men, think like a chick. So advises Bernie Zilbergeld, author of The New Male Sexuality. He urges men to relate more non-sexually and to explore various expressions of affection, including holding hands, cuddling, hugging and kissing.

7. Have sex in the morning. Get it while the getting is good. The end of a trying workday is probably the worst time to initiate intimacy, says sex and couples counselor Eleanor Hamilton.

8. Slow down. That’s the advice of our readers who responded to the article Great Sex Comes to Those Who Age. They say leaving behind the mad rush to orgasm is the secret to great sex.

9. Schedule it. While many of us believe that sex should be spontaneous, who has time for spur of the moment romps? Busy people need to put intimacy on their agenda, but that doesn’t mean the sex has to be sedate.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
18
Aug


Everyone from Oprah to your Aunt Mabel talks about intimacy. And much of what’s said is misinformation or myth. Here are some of the most common examples of intimacy myths:

Myth #1: Women are better at intimacy and want it more than men

This myth hurts both women and men. It dishonors the genuine desires for connection that many men feel, and confuses and isolates them. It also forces responsibility for good relationships onto women, creating resentment and depression.

It’s more accurate to say that many women relate to styles of intimacy that are different from the styles that are comfortable for many men. This is not a problem — it’s an exciting opportunity to synthesize two hearts.

Myth #2: Intimacy equals love

Many people who love each other lack the tools or desire to create intimacy. Sadly, some people use love to manipulate, bully, and hurt each other and then feel surprised when they don’t feel close to each other. In many ways, intimacy is more about people liking each other than it is about them loving each other.

Myth #3: Intimacy equals sex

Most of us have had sex that was not intimate, and many of us have had intimate relationships that had little or no sex. This is not surprising. Sexuality is one vehicle for intimacy, but not the only one. And intimacy is one aspect of sexuality, but not the only one.

Some people like to use sex to get close to a partner, while others can’t really enjoy sex unless they already feel close. It’s important for people to discuss how they feel about this rather than struggling with anger and hurt about it.

Myth #4: Intimacy means losing your self

Intimacy can only occur between two individuals with two selves. Intimacy occupies a very special place between two separate lives, acting as a spark that connects and excites. When one person demands that the other submerge him or herself in the relationship, that person is asking for a kind of immature safety that is the opposite of intimacy. And while people in the first blush of passion often lose themselves, they must disentangle from each other if the relationship is to grow and become intimate.

Myth #5: Intimacy has no room for conflict

Since true intimacy involves the ongoing exposure of two individual selves, combined with a commitment to maintain a connection despite discomfort, intimacy involves conflict. It must be a special kind of conflict, however: cooperative, productive, conscious.

Myth #6: Intimacy is easy

Intimacy involves self-awareness, honesty, courage, trust and communication. How could it possibly be easy?

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
4
Aug


What is intimacy and why are some of us so uncomfortable with it?

No single definition of intimacy can satisfy everyone, but here’s one that works for many people: intimacy is the feeling of being known. It’s a feeling that someone else knows your true self, and the trust that there’s a joint commitment to maintaining your connection even when it’s difficult.

Intimacy takes many forms: verbal, physical, sexual, spiritual. A relationship is all the more powerful — and intimate — when it features more than one of these forms.

Unfortunately, people may focus on different aspects of intimacy. I often hear couples complain that one is only interested in sex while the other is only interested in talking.

Everyone needs intimacy. It is so stressful for people to feel isolated that they inevitably find ways of connecting with others — even if it’s only over whiskey with strangers in a bar.

Not everyone is aware that they need intimacy. Some people are so defended against their fear of dependence, exposure or loss, that they truly believe they need no one. Sadly, they are just fooling themselves.

When relationships are troubled by serious problems with sex, affection, nagging or chronic conflict, the cause is frequently a power struggle about intimacy.

What forms will it take? What are acceptable limits? What will people have to pay in order to get what they need? In healthy relationships, people discuss these questions in various ways, and they are flexible enough to accommodate each other’s needs.

In unhealthy relationships, people attack, criticize and blame each other for the mess they’re in, rather than seeing their mess as a joint creation.

People face a fundamental dilemma: we need intimacy, but we’re afraid of it. The way in which we handle this internal struggle defines our personality and relationship style.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
G Spot | About Us | Privacy Policy | Contact Us | Sitemap