There are lots of great reasons to say yes to sex. But there are also times when it’s best to say no.

For starters, it’s usually best to say no if you’re not in the mood. I don’t mean, “I’m not really in the mood, but we’re feeling friendly, so if you do most of the work I’ll get into it.” Rather, I’m talking about times when you’re not going to get in the mood. Perhaps you’re not feeling well, or you’re exhausted or cranky. Maybe you’re nervous about something happening at work or with the kids.

It’s important to say no when you’re angry, and to talk instead. Unfortunately, some people use sex to ignore a problem that they can’t resolve. In fact, some people use sex to avoid intimacy — the kind of intimacy that involves the difficult exploration and resolution of differences that exist in all relationships.

People in new relationships (or one-night stands) shouldn’t necessarily say no to sex —but they should clarify what the sex means before getting into it. If one person thinks the sex is about recreation, while the other one thinks it’s the beginning of a commitment, both will be disappointed. Sometimes one person wants to keep the sex confidential, while the other is so excited (or proud) that discretion is impossible. Again, without a conversation about it, both people will be frustrated.

While a lack of contraception doesn’t require you to say no to sex, it does require you to say no to intercourse. That’s the only grownup way to look at it. Don’t delude yourself about using the “rhythm method” — people who use rhythm are called parents. If you’re not going to use birth control, at least admit it to yourself, rather than pretending you’re using a technique that’s only slightly more effective than wishing upon a star.

People have sex for lots of psychological reasons — wanting to prove they’re normal, that they’re a “real man” or “real woman,” that they’re still attractive. In fact, some people have sex for revenge or as a form of hostility. But you wouldn’t do that, would you?

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65b792127a26d017d637cc61b191c894 How To Perform Kegel Exercises

How To Perform Kegel Exercises

Kegel exercises couldn’t be easier to do, and once you’ve mastered the technique you can do them anywhere you want, for very short periods of time.  These are probably among the easiest exercises a woman can do, yet probably among the most important.

Follow the steps below and before long you’ll be doing Kegel exercises like a pro and enjoying all the benefits of having a healthy and strong pelvic floor, and experiencing much better sex:

  1. To begin you must find the right muscles.  This is done by sensing the muscles inside when you go to the toilet.  Try to stop the urine in mid flow.  If you can do this then you have already mastered the basic movement of your pelvic floor muscles.  If this fails then insert a finger into the vagina and squeeze the vaginal wall.  When you do this you will feel your muscle tighten and your pelvic floor move upwards; this is also the same movement.
  2. Once you know what your pelvic floor muscles are, what they do, and how they feel you can take a seat and begin.  Make sure you have an empty bladder before beginning.
  3. Contract the pelvic muscle as though you were doing what you did to identify them.
  4. Hold this contraction up for four seconds then relax for the same time.
  5. Repeat this ten times.

After a few days of this, or when you are very confident with it, try increasing the contraction length by a few seconds, and eventually build yourself up to about 10 seconds each time.  You can do these exercises whenever you want; even on the train on the way to work!

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