21
Mar


Once you identify which scripts your relationship follows, you can begin to recognize the role you play. Let’s say you mostly follow the garden story, but you pick up the business script—organizing, budgeting and planning every last detail—every time you go on vacation. Your partner may feel overwhelmed by the urgency of your approach in this area.

One fascinating tenet of Sternberg’s theory is that some people may never find a mate who shares a given script. The best they can hope for is to meet someone with a more compatible script.

Not all shared scripts are matches made in heaven. Consider these “asymmetrical” relationships.

The Teacher-Student Story
Like Rita in the movie, the student is likely to assert herself after a time and ruffle the feathers of her teacher. If the student doesn’t progress, there can be other problems; the teacher grows tired of handholding. Either way, eventually resentments arise.

The Sacrifice Story
Some people are just happiest giving and serving and slaving on another’s behalf. Resentments may develop on the part of the giver, just as contempt may grow on the part of the receiver.

The Police Story
The themes are suspicion, surveillance and punishment. It is a mistake to assume that the man always plays the bad cop, says Sternberg. The biggest problem with this love story is that it frequently degenerates into a far worse script, like the horror story.

The Horror Story
A short distance stands between surveillance and stalking, scolding and battery.

O.J. Simpson may not have been found guilty, but the prosecution presented a case detailing his alleged progression from bad cop to terrorizer.

Unfortunately, many people don’t learn from the sad movies they’ve starred in, says Sternberg. They go right on to another relationship with the same typecasting, pairing up again with someone who works in their unhappy script.

The theory of Love Stories helps us understand our emotions and our values. By better understanding who we are and why we act in predictable ways, we have a fighting chance to combat the notion that history must repeat itself.

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Category : Blog
28
Dec


Lubricants are just about a lover’s best friend.

Lubricants make intercourse easier, help maximize pleasure, are essential for hand jobs and keep condoms from tearing.

They’re especially helpful in a variety of situations. For example, as women get older, their natural lubrication becomes thinner, and there’s often less of it. Similarly, medications such as birth-control pills and antihistamines can make it harder to lubricate.

When playing rough, tiny genital tears can be prevented with a lubricant. During menstruation, tampons often absorb everything — lubrication as well as menstrual flow — so again, it’s lube to the rescue. And for many men, masturbating without a lubricant is like, uh, an awfully dry hand stroking a dry penis. Not only is this less interesting, it can actually hurt.

Today, your supermarket carries more brands of lubricants than brands of milk. Each one is slightly different, varying in consistency, smell or germ-fighting ingredients. It can be lots of fun to buy a bunch of lubes and discover which you like best. Flavored? Odorless? Bacteriocidal?

It’s all a matter of individual preference, with one exception — oil and latex do not mix. An oil-based lubricant will destroy condoms, so use only water-soluble products with them. This is also good advice for any lube that goes inside the vagina or anus — use something that’s easy to wash out with soap and water.

Some people resist using a lubricant because they feel that lubes represent a failure — either his failure to excite her enough, or her failure to produce enough. This is an unfortunate attitude.

A woman’s lubrication is a function of many things, only one of which is her excitement. Her lubrication is never a measure of her or her partner’s competence. Indeed, experienced lovers use lubricants regardless of what a woman produces on her own. They appreciate the variety, the ease of use and the sheer playfulness of the stuff.

In fact, people have been known to enjoy playing around with their hands, genitals and lubricant so much, they forget to have intercourse. It happens, although I’ve never heard anyone complain.

Tips:

  • Put some lube inside a condom to create a tighter fit, and to increase the sensations of body heat.
  • Take out and open the lube before you get too involved in sex.
  • We use lubricants to enhance sexual pleasure, not because someone has failed.

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Category : Blog
1
Sep


Our anuses are misunderstood. Loaded with nerve endings, the anus is a definite source of sexual pleasure — once you get past the aesthetic and cultural issues.

According to every recent sex survey, millions of men and women enjoy sexual pleasure involving their anus. Millions more are curious. A few simple facts can enlighten everyone.

Anal play can involve gently stimulating the opening, inserting something into the first half-inch of the rectum or going much further in — with or without vigorous movement. Some people dislike all three, some like one of these, while others like all of them.

The only way to know your partner’s preference is to ask. If you want to experiment with your partner, discuss it when you’re feeling close.

The three most important aspects of anal sex are lubrication, lubrication, lubrication. Use plenty before and during. Equally important is the initial speed, which should be slightly slower than a snail’s pace. Think of this not as an obstacle, but rather as an exotic, sexy part of the experience.

A person on the receiving end should keep relaxing the anal muscles from start to finish. You should communicate with your partner to ensure that any discomfort is immediately relieved, and that he or she feels safe and connected.

Anal stimulation can be combined with other activities: stroking the clitoris, inserting something into the vagina, massaging the prostate, role-playing or spanking.

Because the anus is part of a waste elimination system, care must be taken with bacteria. Never slip a finger, toy or penis from the anus into the vagina. And be careful with fingernails, jewelry and large penises.

Anal play is a time-honored activity that provides couples who communicate well an extra venue for their erotic exploration. You can’t get pregnant from it, which may be a bonus. And a few women consider it the primary way they climax.

Only you, of course, can decide if it’s something you want to explore.

Tips:

  • Some people like anal sex because it feels naughty or taboo, a perfectly good reason.
  • There are specially shaped vibrators and dildos for anal play.
  • No matter how excited you are, never have anal play without plenty of lube. You could endanger yourself and not realize it until days later.

 

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
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