7
May


May 7th was National Masturbation Day. Did you miss it? Go ahead and celebrate today.

Since almost all adults and children give themselves sexual pleasure, the day is an opportunity for us to come out of the closet. But you won’t find any Hallmark cards or office picnics commemorating the day. It seems that most Americans would rather admit to having sex with their dog than admit to having sex with themselves.

We have no respect for masturbation. To begin with, the word comes from the Latin masturbatus: “to defile with the hand.” In today’s vernacular, when we want to tell someone to quit wasting time, we say, “Stop jerking off.”

What’s more, for 1,800 years of Christian theology we have been deliberately misled to think that the Bible denounces masturbation. In fact, there’s nothing in the Bible prohibiting masturbation. When Onan angered God by spilling his seed, he wasn’t masturbating; he was interrupting intercourse to prevent impregnating his dead brother’s widow.

Americans are uncomfortable about masturbation because we’re ambivalent about sexual pleasure that isn’t redeemed by romantic love. And, of course, we’re all taught that the point of sex is procreation, not recreation.

But this flies in the face of our personal experience. Masturbation feels good. It’s part of how babies learn to control their little hands (imagine that discovery!); years later, it’s how most of us continue learning about our sexuality. And women, in particular, can teach themselves to orgasm by practicing with a vibrator, pillow, running water or their own hand.

Adults use masturbation in many ways: to pleasure ourselves, comfort ourselves, maintain our erotic independence, experiment with new sensations, educate our partners. Masturbation isn’t a substitute for sex; it is sex — sex, as Woody Allen said, with someone you love. Or, as Betty Dodson says, “sex for one.”

As a sex therapist, I never ask couples if they masturbate. I’ve learned how horrified many people are to acknowledge their private habit. Instead, I ask people if they think their mate masturbates. It’s often the beginning of an intimate conversation they didn’t expect to have.

There are so many good things about masturbation.

Masurbation Tips and Facts:

• Experiment with lubricants and toys for some new feelings.

• Invite your partner to pleasure himself or herself while you hold and stroke him or her.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
2
May


You probably have sex for many different reasons. And depending on your mood, circumstances, relationship and other factors, you probably want different things from sex at different times.

Are you aware of this? Do you change your sexual activity to get what you want from it?

If you want to feel warm and close, for example, agreeing to hang from the chandeliers might lead to turning off in the middle of sex. Similarly, if you’ve been bossed around at work all week, warm and romantic sex may simply feel too controlled. A raunchy video, nasty language, or creative roleplay may appeal much more.

People often have sex for reasons they don’t like to admit: to feel like a real man or real woman, to feel normal or competent, to keep a partner from straying (or to disguise the fact that they’re straying), to escape from problems or cure insomnia, even to avoid talking about something serious (“Oh honey, let’s not fight. Come to bed”).

The point isn’t that some reasons are better than others, but rather that couples sometimes have very different agendas for their sex. The criticism that can follow (“Why are you so uptight?” “Why must you be so kinky?”) is often hurtful rather than productive.

Think of it this way: fast food and luxurious dinners both have their place. But trying to get a gourmet experience from McDonalds or a quick bite at the Ritz will lead to disappointment and conflict. The problem isn’t with Big Macs or canapés, it’s with trying to get something from a place that can’t give it to you.

If you’re feeling frustrated about the sex you and your mate have, ask yourself what you want from sex, and then ask if the sex you’re creating could satisfy those needs. If not, it’s time to do something else. Experiment with new things, stop doing what you don’t want to, ask your partner to change, or all of the above.

Just don’t blame sex. It’s there to serve you.

To get more of what you want in bed, remember:

  • “I don’t want to” is a sufficient reason to say no.
  • Sexual experimentation isn’t right or wrong. It’s either attractive or uninteresting at this time with this partner.
  • Talk with your mate to discover reasons you each have for lovemaking that are compatible.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
25
Apr


For those who have them, multiple orgasms are typically a source of pleasure and even amazement. For those who don’t, they’re often a non-issue. For others, they can be a holy grail that is envied and earnestly chased.

Multiple orgasms are possible for women because unlike men, women have no refractory period — that mandatory reloading time after orgasm, before arousal can build and make another orgasm possible. For all our culture’s talk of penis envy, this is the sexual aspect of women that many men envy.

A small number of men apparently are able to have multiple orgasms by separating orgasm from ejaculation — that is they have a sexual climax without the ejaculation that wilts the penis and triggers the refractory period. Several popular books claim to teach this ability, but my clinical experience suggests that virtually no man can accomplish this.

Just as different women prefer different pathways to orgasm — emphasizing vaginal or clitoral or G-spot stimulation — women also take different pathways to multiple orgasm. But even with the perfect stimulation, some women can only do this when they’re in a certain part of their menstrual cycle, or with a certain partner (someone they love, say, or someone they don’t), when they’re especially relaxed or horny, or when the moon is full.

Many women can’t even predict when it’ll happen. They kind of get scooped up by a runaway erotic train, hang on for the ride, and come back to earth when it’s done.

How can you make this experience more likely? First, you have to know how to have one orgasm. If you don’t, read Lonnie Barbach’s For Yourself. Then you need to learn to tolerate increasing amounts of sexual stimulation while you’re sensitive from having just climaxed. Try slow, deep breathing, while getting slow, gentle (or firm, it’s your call) stimulation.

Think of yourself as sinking into an erotic valley rather than climbing an erotic mountain. Hopefully, your arousal will gradually increase as your post-orgasm sensitivity subsides. When you feel another orgasm start to take over, well, you know what to do then.

Then there’s only one question: when do you stop climaxing and start eating, sleeping or working?

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
G Spot | About Us | Privacy Policy | Contact Us | Sitemap