18
Apr


Most of us don’t freely admit it, but kissing can be the most intimate erotic activity.

You can fantasize about someone else during intercourse, you can tune out a person giving you head, but it’s extremely difficult to ignore someone whose tongue is redecorating the inside of your mouth.

Kissing involves smell, taste, pressure, nonstop communication, and absolute physical proximity — a combination that most other sexual activities can’t match. The other person is so close he can’t be ignored.

Most adolescents love to kiss, but begin to lose interest when genital sex becomes an option. Pity. Kissing can be a satisfying way to have a profound and sexy conversation with someone.

Why do people let it slip away? Partly, its very intimacy can be a little daunting. When you’re kissing, there’s nowhere to hide. In fact, kissing can be an intimacy gauge. Kissing a partner we don’t like, especially an enthusiastic one, can be an awful experience.

Then there’s the issue of style. What if you and your partner like to kiss in different ways? It’s as if one of you is doing the mambo while the other waltzes. Some people prefer subtle and gradual — the stealth tongue approach. Others are more direct and even overpowering — the invading army approach. Neither approach is wrong, but each can be unpleasant to someone who wants something different.

Breath also plays a big role in couples’ kissing compatibility. If she doesn’t like the way he smells or vice versa, kissing can quickly disappear from the repertoire. In fact, since kissing puts us so close to another person, things like dirty hair, scratchy beard, nose hairs and scented makeup can all become key issues in reducing the desire to kiss.

As in many parts of sex, communication is key to getting the kissing thing together. Tell your partner what you like and dislike, and give specific examples. Yes, give each other a kissing clinic, experimenting, evaluating, and letting your partner know when you like what you’re getting.

Approach bad breath without apology. “I want to kiss you more, and would if your mouth smelled differently.” Offer to brush together as a prelude to affection or even sex.

If you don’t want to kiss your mate, that’s a different — and very troubling — story. Losing interest in kissing often indicates deep relationship problems, and is a strong predictor, in my experience, of sexual boredom or incompatibility. Because it’s so intimate and so potentially rewarding, a kissing mismatch should not be ignored. Raise the painful topic with your mate, or see a professional.

Kissing is supposedly how God gets people so close that they can’t see each other’s flaws. If you’re aware of how your partner isn’t satisfying you, talk it over as soon as possible. It will be difficult, but then you’ll have all that great kissing to look forward to.

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Category : Blog
11
Apr


Female Orgasms. It’s a subject I’m often asked about. Here are the answers to three common questions about female orgasms.

Q: I rarely come with my boyfriend, even though I come fine by myself. What should we do?

A: Since you come fine when you get the stimulation you like, the primary question is, are you getting this stimulation with your partner? Most women with orgasm difficulties expect to climax from intercourse alone (which rarely provides adequate stimulation), or from touching that isn’t to their liking. Is your fear of the big bad male ego preventing you from telling your mate what you like? If you’re giving more explicit information to the person who makes your lunch than to your sexual partner, there’s something wrong.

Another reason some women fail to climax with a partner is that they’re self-conscious — about the way they look, smell, taste or sound. Sex is not the time to be ladylike, and orgasm is not the time to think about your appearance. Everyone looks and sounds funny when they come. As for taste and smell, ask your partner. Many men love a woman’s vaginal juices and their place of origin. You don’t have to like it, if he does, that’s good enough.

Finally, some women have trouble coming with a partner because they don’t trust or like him, or don’t trust or like men in general. If that’s the case, either get a different partner or see a professional therapist.

Q: It takes me too long to cum. What should I do?

A: Are you having sex with a stopwatch? Is your partner in a hurry to get to his broker or to church? Most women concerned about taking too long are afraid their partner is getting bored. Rather than pressuring yourself to come quicker, ask your partner how he genuinely feels about this. If either of you is bored, make sex more entertaining. If you’re using a vibrator together, add some kissing, nipple sucking (his or yours), or other pleasures. Talk or caress each other. Don’t strain to come — it’ll take longer, and you won’t enjoy anything that’s going on, clitoral or otherwise,

Q: I saw a film in which women ejaculated when they climaxed. How can I do that?

A: A tiny percentage of women expel fluid when they climax (leaking a bit of urine is actually more common). Mostly either you do or you don’t; it’s not something you can practice. What you can do is experiment with your G Spot, a nickel-size area on the front inside wall of your vagina. In some women this spot becomes very sensitive after they’re excited, and continued stimulation can lead to orgasm. Occasionally, this orgasm is accompanied by about a half-teaspoon of fluid.

Your other option is to become a porn star — that is, have someone edit the footage of your sexual encounters to give you a female ejaculation. Added, of course, to a gigantic orgasm just from looking at an erect penis.

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Category : Blog
4
Apr


Few erotic activities are as thrilling — or as terrifying — as sharing sexual fantasies.

Whether your thing is Cleopatra and the slave boy, the astronaut and the moon alien, or Yasser, Madeleine and the camel, most of us have the same fear: hearing “that’s disgusting!” the second we mention it.

But just think how wonderful it would be to hear: “Oh, Yasser, take me to your tent.”

There are good reasons to share sexual fantasies: to add variety to a sexual relationship; to experience activities you’ll never do in real life; to convey information about turn-ons; and to play.

To find out if your mate is interested in sharing fantasies, say you heard about it on Oprah. You can even cautiously mention one or two things while you’re in line at the supermarket, like “it might be cool to pretend we were meeting on the Orient Express while our spouses were in the dining car,” or “it would be fun to pretend Joanne was in bed with us taking photos.” If your mate seems interested, proceed the next time you’re sexual together.

Role-play involves telling each other a story, or acting out parts: “That’s a pretty dress, young lady. Let’s make sure it doesn’t get wrinkled.” “Mmm, no one’s ever touched me like that before — is that OK?” The point is to turn up the heat. But you also want to check in with your mate to make sure embarrassment or discomfort aren’t interfering with the temperature.

What do fantasies mean? Generally, nothing. Most of us fantasize about things we don’t want to do, or wouldn’t do even if we could. It only makes sense. What’s the point of fantasizing about the known, the possible or the simple? You can get those in real life. Fantasy is for frying up much bigger fish.

If your mate doesn’t want to play with fantasies, don’t criticize. Just find other ways you can both share your eroticism.

Be sensitive to any particular discomfort zones, such as your mate’s younger, slimmer, rich brother.

Fantasy does not necessarily reveal what a person really wants.

More on sexual fantasies:

  • Play an erotic role.
  • Got pain? Indulge a sexual fantasy.
  • What’s your love story?
  • The pros and cons of online dating.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
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