12
Oct


They have wrinkles, perhaps a few pounds too many and lower backs that ache when they bend and twist the wrong way.

But that doesn’t stop them from being excited about their sex lives. And we meanvery excited.

We’re talking about the more than 160 myprimetime readers who wrote us in response to our story Great Sex Comes to Those Who Age. The sentiment was “Right On” and “Bravo,” since the article dispelled the myth that your sex life has seen better days by, say, 45.

These gleeful testimonials celebrating the splendors of midlife sex reinforce some universal secrets that really shouldn’t be secrets at all. They also suggest that if everything works and your general health is good, there is no reason for passion to ebb.

“I never thought in my wildest dreams that it would get as good as it has at this point in my life,” writes Bill, who is 51.

“This article is right on the money,” writes Dulce, who’s 58. “My sex drive now is as good if not better than when I was in my early 30s.”

Yes, our electronic deluge of responses also included a few skeptics who said a flowering sexuality after the bloom of youth is “rubbish,” and another example of “denial” and PC propaganda.

“The baby boomers are at it again!” writes Michael, who counts himself among the boomer crowd. “Let’s stop deluding ourselves that we’re getting better, just because we’re aging.”

You can argue that it’s just trendy to say attitude is more important than biochemistry. But the vast majority of respondents who wrote to us make the point that sex is about a lot more than raging hormones. It’s about relating, communication, experimentation, intimacy and mutual pleasure-giving.

While myprimetimers had a great deal to say on the subject, we’ve narrowed down their words of wisdom to the following six secrets of great sex:

Slow way down.
If ever a cliché fit, it is here: It’s the journey that counts, not the destination.

Those who responded to the article used words like “savor,” “explore” and “discover.” They all talked about leaving behind the mad rush to orgasm.

Slow down and you will not only discover what works, but you’ll also encounter new surprises. File them away and pull them out the next time. There are detours and side streets that should be explored.

Rhonda writes that she and her husband of 27 years like to go slow, and when that feels good, they slow it down some more.

“When we begin to move into the home stretch toward orgasm, we pull in the reins a little so that the moment can be stretched out and enjoyed even longer. We have learned not to rush through what should be taken slowly and savored. We totally enjoy each other now like we never have before! Orgasm is secondary in the quest for great sex for us.”

Give and you will receive.
Are young people selfish or just overeager? Are they so concerned about performing they forget about creative ways or tried-and-true ways to please their partner?

One way or another, a theme among the correspondents is that the ability to give is something that is cultivated with time.

Michael, who is 49, writes about himself: “It is extremely pleasurable to know your partner is completely fulfilled. At a younger age I didn’t know how to or didn’t care — big mistake.”

Those who wrote in didn’t say that giving was an obligation they can tolerate, but a thrill in its own right, one of the best parts of sex.

Invest the time and you’ll get big returns.
You know the choreographed love scenes in movies. Sex is not a ballet. It does not always happen naturally and spontaneously. In truth, there is much to learn.

“Out of all the men I have dated and made love to, the ones who are 40 and up are much more satisfying and fun,” writes 46-year-old Marilyn. “The 26-year-old I dated I had to teach technique to and he still didn’t understand. I’m sure he will ‘get it’ at some point.”

Men and women both wrote in admitting they weren’t skillful lovers and really didn’t know what they were doing when they were in their 20s and 30s.

You don’t get to know each other without investing the time. Many longtime couples are highly practical about the whole thing, marking their calendars to set aside quality time.

“I have always believed in spontaneous sex as opposed to scheduled sex,” writes Alan, who is 69. “I never liked the ‘Let’s set aside Thursday evenings for the lovemaking’ approach. I see that is wrong now. My wife and I are going to work toward scheduling at least one evening a week for intimacy.”

Kick back, relax and enjoy.
Easier said than done, right? With time, people become a little more secure with who they are, and that means as lovers, too.

Cherie, who is 51, writes: “Young men are so anxious — it’s the act they are interested in. An older man is just as anxious, but he knows how much more joy good foreplay can bring. He knows how to pace himself and wait for his mate.”

One 50-year-old woman longed for the body she had at 20, but admitted she was more comfortable with herself now nevertheless. Men spoke about accepting less endurance and even, in a few cases, the need to rely on Viagra, so long as it works.

In the end, the confidence of middle age can translate into increasing pleasure. “I am 47 years old and I enjoy sexual relations better now than I ever have,” writes Junie. “I am more confident, self-assured, comfortable and feel like I’m just reaching my sexual maturity.”

There’s nothing you can’t talk about.
Back to that ideal movie version of lovemaking with no talk, just moans and groans of delight. That’s not realistic most of the time. “When you get to a certain point in your life, you realize everything comes with problems,” writes Jan, who doesn’t give her age. “It’s not the end of the world. You can talk about them.”

Justine, 28, who is enjoying a relationship with a 42-year-old man, suggested older men are more open to everything. “The thing people seem to miss out on is just how much joy can be found by being able to talk about anything, including ideas and fantasies.”

Find the right person.
Overwhelmingly, those who wrote in giving their sex lives rave reviews gave their mates rave reviews as well.

“Lovers make love in many ways,” says Dee. “Not just in bed, but the whole time they spend together should be devoted to making love, a touch, a smile, a caress, a kiss on the neck as he passes you in the kitchen.”

One correspondent bragged that her man likes to cuddle after sex. Hey, folks. It doesn’t get any better than that.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
5
Oct


Most kids agree that having dad around the house is a definite plus — even if he doesn’t always live at home. Given the variety of home environments and parenting styles experienced by children of the ’90s, there’s no doubt the ones who spend time with Dad reap bigtime benefits.

And new evidence suggests that the more nesting a father does with his child, the smarter that child will be.

The proof comes from research recently published in Child Development that says fathers who spend time with their children raise kids with better language skills and fewer behavior problems.

“As we head into the next century, we’re finding that the traditional family model of a married couple with kids and a dog is becoming less common. Added involvement from a father helps children tremendously,” says Maureen Black, a professor of pediatrics at the University of Maryland School of Medicine.

A father’s unique contributions were measured by a team of researchers who studied 175 3-year-old children from low-income African American families. A father figure was present in 73 percent of the families, and almost all these men had daily contact with their children.

Throughout the study, fathers and mothers were videotaped separately playing with their children and then asked individually about their contributions to the family and about how they felt about being parents.

The study revealed that fathers who were satisfied parents contributed financially to the family and were nurturing while playing with their kids. Their children had higher cognitive and language skills.

When a father lived with the child, the household was more focused on child rearing.

Results of the study convinced authors that fathers remain an integral part of every child’s well-being.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
7
Sep


Each week, dozens of people write to me asking for sexual advice or information. Here are answers to some of the most common questions:

How do I increase the size of my penis?

You can’t. The tissue in penises is not the kind you can pump up with exercise. There’s nothing you can permanently inject or implant into it safely. And there’s no plastic surgery to enhance it. Fortunately, overwhelming numbers of people making love with men insist that penis size does not matter to them.

How do I tell my mate what I want (or don’t want) sexually?

There’s no substitute for clear, direct, simple statements. Most people want more information from their partner, not less. So just tell him or her what you want. Do it in a friendly, non-complaining way when you have plenty of time to listen to each other. And do not bring up other issues during the conversation; write them down for future talks.

How can a woman climax more easily?

Most women climax from stimulation of the clitoris, not from vaginal intercourse. And each woman’s preferences differ. So every woman needs to instruct her partner on how she wants to be touched. Several lessons are usually needed; make them as enjoyable and friendly as you can, rather than mechanical or grim. A lubricant, vibrator, mirror, music or refreshments may help; lessons should be no longer than 30 minutes each.

I think my partner is fooling around with someone else. What are the signs of infidelity?

Don’t play detective or psychologist. If you have evidence or suspicions, tell your partner. Ask for an explanation. If it’s at all plausible, believe it. If you have continued suspicions, go with your partner to a marriage counselor. If you’re in obvious pain, and your mate is innocent, he/she will probably go willingly.

Tips:

  • Sexual communication starts before you take off your clothes — learn to enjoy getting to know each other better.
  • Remember, there’s no such thing as “normal” sexual preferences. Talk about what you like and dislike, not what’s “right.”
  • Mistrust undermines eroticism. If there’s something you’re uneasy about, clear it up as soon as possible.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
G Spot | About Us | Privacy Policy | Contact Us | Sitemap