29
Sep


People have a variety of reasons for not communicating about sex. These include lack of vocabulary, feeling intimidated, anxiety and hostility.

One reason that women frequently give is “I don’t want to bruise his male ego.” To that I say, ladies, bruise away.

Information is critical to sexual satisfaction. Men need to know where and how you like to be touched, what your different sounds (and your silence) mean, when you’re ready, when you’re uninterested and when you want more.

Somehow, many women have gotten the idea that men can’t stand to get this information from them. They think mind reading, trial and error, or even ignorance is preferable.

Granted, some men can’t stand to admit that there’s anything they don’t know about sex. But most men will tell you they’re eager to know more about their partner’s body and sexuality. These guys are dying to know what makes a woman experience desire, arousal and satisfaction.

How can you convey this information? Words are great, of course. Some people prefer to talk in bed. “Honey, I’d love this.” Or “Bob, I’d prefer that slower.” Perhaps you feel more comfortable talking at another time, like while driving: “You know, Juan, when you put your fingers inside me, some lube would make it even nicer.”

Nonverbal communication works well too, as long as both partners understand it. So put your hand on his and move it the way you want it, or gently take his hand away from a place you don’t like it and put it somewhere you do. Or sigh when he licks you just right. But if you find these gestures don’t work, talking is probably required.

And what of the fragile male ego? There’s no need to be mean or insensitive when you communicate. Focus on the positive by describing what you like more than what you don’t. And assume that your mate wants to know how to make sex more rewarding for both of you. If he doesn’t, you have a much bigger problem than lack of orgasm or unsatisfying sexual technique.

Start your exploration of intimacy here:

  • If you like to communicate with moans and other sounds, ask your partner what he thinks you mean by them.
  • If you’re unsure how best to communicate, ask your partner (out of bed) how he wants you to tell him.
  • Asking “would you like to tell me some stuff about your sexuality” is sometimes the best way to open a conversation about what you’d like.

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Category : Blog
28
Jul


How can you get closer to the one you’re with? By understanding the many ways to ignite intimacy.

Intimacy takes many forms: verbal, physical, sexual, spiritual, says Klein. A relationship is all the more powerful — and intimate — when it features more than one of these forms.

Begin your exploration of intimacy with the verbal variety. There are two revealing questions you must first ask of yourself, and then a third you must ask of a loved one.

Once you’ve considered your feelings about getting close, you’re ready to hear the truth about intimacy. Everyone from Oprah to your best friend to Aunt Mabel has a different definition of it, and they’re not always right.

After you put the myths about intimacy aside, you’re ready to draw your partner closer. Spend time getting to know your partner’s dreams and desires. Learn to nurture your relationship, and you’ll keep the sparks flying.

Enough talking. Isn’t sex a part of intimacy? Our readers want to know and we have the answer.

If there’s one thing sure to spoil intimacy, it’s jealously. While occasional pangs of the stuff are natural in most loving relationships,persistent jealously will put out the flame in hearts once afire.

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Category : Blog
7
May


May 7th was National Masturbation Day. Did you miss it? Go ahead and celebrate today.

Since almost all adults and children give themselves sexual pleasure, the day is an opportunity for us to come out of the closet. But you won’t find any Hallmark cards or office picnics commemorating the day. It seems that most Americans would rather admit to having sex with their dog than admit to having sex with themselves.

We have no respect for masturbation. To begin with, the word comes from the Latin masturbatus: “to defile with the hand.” In today’s vernacular, when we want to tell someone to quit wasting time, we say, “Stop jerking off.”

What’s more, for 1,800 years of Christian theology we have been deliberately misled to think that the Bible denounces masturbation. In fact, there’s nothing in the Bible prohibiting masturbation. When Onan angered God by spilling his seed, he wasn’t masturbating; he was interrupting intercourse to prevent impregnating his dead brother’s widow.

Americans are uncomfortable about masturbation because we’re ambivalent about sexual pleasure that isn’t redeemed by romantic love. And, of course, we’re all taught that the point of sex is procreation, not recreation.

But this flies in the face of our personal experience. Masturbation feels good. It’s part of how babies learn to control their little hands (imagine that discovery!); years later, it’s how most of us continue learning about our sexuality. And women, in particular, can teach themselves to orgasm by practicing with a vibrator, pillow, running water or their own hand.

Adults use masturbation in many ways: to pleasure ourselves, comfort ourselves, maintain our erotic independence, experiment with new sensations, educate our partners. Masturbation isn’t a substitute for sex; it is sex — sex, as Woody Allen said, with someone you love. Or, as Betty Dodson says, “sex for one.”

As a sex therapist, I never ask couples if they masturbate. I’ve learned how horrified many people are to acknowledge their private habit. Instead, I ask people if they think their mate masturbates. It’s often the beginning of an intimate conversation they didn’t expect to have.

There are so many good things about masturbation.

Masurbation Tips and Facts:

• Experiment with lubricants and toys for some new feelings.

• Invite your partner to pleasure himself or herself while you hold and stroke him or her.

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Category : Blog
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