5
Jan


If your love life has become routine, try these nine ways to put the spark back in the sack.

1. Tell your partner your top 10 fantasies. Can’t say them out loud?, suggests Tracey Cox author of Hot Relationships. She suggests that you each make a list of 10 fantasies, then trade lists with your partner. Toss out what you can’t agree on. Rip the list into separate slips, and put them in jars for him and her. Take one out when the mood strikes.

2. Go shopping. Browse the sexuality section of a bookstore together. “There’s a sense of adventure in discovering what’s out there and making a commitment to trying it,” says Jan Brown, a marriage counselor and believer in hot monogamy.

3. Ask for something new, nicely. “There is a big difference between an invitation to try something new and a lecture,” says Kevin Gogin, a marriage, family and child counselor. Gogin urges couples to use positive words and expressions like, “I thought it would be fun if we…” or “What would you think of…?” Avoid loaded words like “dissatisfied” and “frustrated.”

4. Take a break from sex. “For long-term partners, sex becomes convenient — like going to the refrigerator and grabbing something to eat,” says marriage and family counselor Carol Kaplan. For these folks, taking a breather from all sex, or from just intercourse, can rev up desire and promote greater intimacy (if you spend the time doing other things).

5. Women, think like a guy. French beauty expert Laura Mercier believes American women sabotage their sex appeal with too many hang-ups and too little self-esteem. It’s different in Europe, she says. Confidence, sensuality, character and personality play a bigger role in beauty. “A woman accepts that at 50 she is a gorgeous woman who still has sex.”

6. Men, think like a chick. So advises Bernie Zilbergeld, author of The New Male Sexuality. He urges men to relate more non-sexually and to explore various expressions of affection, including holding hands, cuddling, hugging and kissing.

7. Have sex in the morning. Get it while the getting is good. The end of a trying workday is probably the worst time to initiate intimacy, says sex and couples counselor Eleanor Hamilton.

8. Slow down. That’s the advice of our readers who responded to the article Great Sex Comes to Those Who Age. They say leaving behind the mad rush to orgasm is the secret to great sex.

9. Schedule it. While many of us believe that sex should be spontaneous, who has time for spur of the moment romps? Busy people need to put intimacy on their agenda, but that doesn’t mean the sex has to be sedate.

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Category : Blog
8
Sep


Is your relationship going strong or struggling for survival? Every relationship has difficulties, but some couples really are in trouble. Wake up to these common warning signs.

Avoidance. Like medicine, certain conversations are necessary for relationship health. If you (or your mate) keep avoiding certain topics, such as sex, money or chores, it means you don’t trust the relationship’s mechanisms for fixing things.

Some people avoid their mate in other ways: taking on extra work or community projects, always inviting friends or family to join them, or going to bed earlier or later than their partner. All of these create more distance.

Adversaries. The goal of healthy conflict is for people to understand each other’s viewpoint and make adjustments for the benefit of the relationship. If you are so angry that you deliberately say things to hurt your partner, you both have a problem.

It’s also a problem if you often feel defensive. Your relationship should be a place where you feel comfortable, accepted and trusted. If you’re always ready to explain or defend yourself, as if the next attack is just around the corner, the relationship is no longer your home.

That sour taste. You can gauge your relationship by listening to the way you talk about it with your friends. Do you complain a lot? Call your mate names like “ball and chain” or “Godzilla”? Are you jealous of your friends, wishing you had their life or their partner? Do you fantasize much about how great it would be to be single? These are all messages that your relationship is in trouble.

Don’t panic if you notice one of these warning signs in a week. But if you’re aware of several, or one persists, take action.

Talk to your mate honestly, even though now that’s the most difficult thing for you to do. If you can’t begin to resolve your problems, seek professional help. As with our physical health, many complex relationship problems can be healed if addressed in time.

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Category : Blog
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