7
Sep


Each week, dozens of people write to me asking for sexual advice or information. Here are answers to some of the most common questions:

How do I increase the size of my penis?

You can’t. The tissue in penises is not the kind you can pump up with exercise. There’s nothing you can permanently inject or implant into it safely. And there’s no plastic surgery to enhance it. Fortunately, overwhelming numbers of people making love with men insist that penis size does not matter to them.

How do I tell my mate what I want (or don’t want) sexually?

There’s no substitute for clear, direct, simple statements. Most people want more information from their partner, not less. So just tell him or her what you want. Do it in a friendly, non-complaining way when you have plenty of time to listen to each other. And do not bring up other issues during the conversation; write them down for future talks.

How can a woman climax more easily?

Most women climax from stimulation of the clitoris, not from vaginal intercourse. And each woman’s preferences differ. So every woman needs to instruct her partner on how she wants to be touched. Several lessons are usually needed; make them as enjoyable and friendly as you can, rather than mechanical or grim. A lubricant, vibrator, mirror, music or refreshments may help; lessons should be no longer than 30 minutes each.

I think my partner is fooling around with someone else. What are the signs of infidelity?

Don’t play detective or psychologist. If you have evidence or suspicions, tell your partner. Ask for an explanation. If it’s at all plausible, believe it. If you have continued suspicions, go with your partner to a marriage counselor. If you’re in obvious pain, and your mate is innocent, he/she will probably go willingly.

Tips:

  • Sexual communication starts before you take off your clothes — learn to enjoy getting to know each other better.
  • Remember, there’s no such thing as “normal” sexual preferences. Talk about what you like and dislike, not what’s “right.”
  • Mistrust undermines eroticism. If there’s something you’re uneasy about, clear it up as soon as possible.

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Category : Blog
24
Aug


Even if you don’t well up at weddings and romance movies, you may still find this book powerfully moving. Once again, the Chicken Soup brigade hits the spot; this time with a medley of real-life love stories.

The stories include an excerpt from Christopher Reeve’s autobiography,”Still Me,” describing his struggle with paralysis and his relationship with his wife, Dana. Equally poignant is the love story between the legendary dancer Dame Margot Fonteyn and Roberto Arias, Panama’s former ambassador to the United Nations, who was crippled by assassin’s bullets. While Fonteyn took curtain calls in “Romeo and Juliet,” Arias watched from the wings in a stretcher.

If all this sounds a little too schmaltzy, rest assured that there are sobering snippets here, too. Among them are quotes from the famous. “There is only one serious question … how to make love stay,” comes courtesy of author Tom Robbins. You don’t have to be the sentimental type to enjoy this book, but it might help.

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Category : Blog
8
Sep


Is your relationship going strong or struggling for survival? Every relationship has difficulties, but some couples really are in trouble. Wake up to these common warning signs.

Avoidance. Like medicine, certain conversations are necessary for relationship health. If you (or your mate) keep avoiding certain topics, such as sex, money or chores, it means you don’t trust the relationship’s mechanisms for fixing things.

Some people avoid their mate in other ways: taking on extra work or community projects, always inviting friends or family to join them, or going to bed earlier or later than their partner. All of these create more distance.

Adversaries. The goal of healthy conflict is for people to understand each other’s viewpoint and make adjustments for the benefit of the relationship. If you are so angry that you deliberately say things to hurt your partner, you both have a problem.

It’s also a problem if you often feel defensive. Your relationship should be a place where you feel comfortable, accepted and trusted. If you’re always ready to explain or defend yourself, as if the next attack is just around the corner, the relationship is no longer your home.

That sour taste. You can gauge your relationship by listening to the way you talk about it with your friends. Do you complain a lot? Call your mate names like “ball and chain” or “Godzilla”? Are you jealous of your friends, wishing you had their life or their partner? Do you fantasize much about how great it would be to be single? These are all messages that your relationship is in trouble.

Don’t panic if you notice one of these warning signs in a week. But if you’re aware of several, or one persists, take action.

Talk to your mate honestly, even though now that’s the most difficult thing for you to do. If you can’t begin to resolve your problems, seek professional help. As with our physical health, many complex relationship problems can be healed if addressed in time.

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Category : Blog
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