28
Dec


Lubricants are just about a lover’s best friend.

Lubricants make intercourse easier, help maximize pleasure, are essential for hand jobs and keep condoms from tearing.

They’re especially helpful in a variety of situations. For example, as women get older, their natural lubrication becomes thinner, and there’s often less of it. Similarly, medications such as birth-control pills and antihistamines can make it harder to lubricate.

When playing rough, tiny genital tears can be prevented with a lubricant. During menstruation, tampons often absorb everything — lubrication as well as menstrual flow — so again, it’s lube to the rescue. And for many men, masturbating without a lubricant is like, uh, an awfully dry hand stroking a dry penis. Not only is this less interesting, it can actually hurt.

Today, your supermarket carries more brands of lubricants than brands of milk. Each one is slightly different, varying in consistency, smell or germ-fighting ingredients. It can be lots of fun to buy a bunch of lubes and discover which you like best. Flavored? Odorless? Bacteriocidal?

It’s all a matter of individual preference, with one exception — oil and latex do not mix. An oil-based lubricant will destroy condoms, so use only water-soluble products with them. This is also good advice for any lube that goes inside the vagina or anus — use something that’s easy to wash out with soap and water.

Some people resist using a lubricant because they feel that lubes represent a failure — either his failure to excite her enough, or her failure to produce enough. This is an unfortunate attitude.

A woman’s lubrication is a function of many things, only one of which is her excitement. Her lubrication is never a measure of her or her partner’s competence. Indeed, experienced lovers use lubricants regardless of what a woman produces on her own. They appreciate the variety, the ease of use and the sheer playfulness of the stuff.

In fact, people have been known to enjoy playing around with their hands, genitals and lubricant so much, they forget to have intercourse. It happens, although I’ve never heard anyone complain.

Tips:

  • Put some lube inside a condom to create a tighter fit, and to increase the sensations of body heat.
  • Take out and open the lube before you get too involved in sex.
  • We use lubricants to enhance sexual pleasure, not because someone has failed.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
21
Dec


Whether they’ve been asking questions or not, it’s time to talk with your kids about sexuality. That means talking about gender, reproduction, bodies, feelings, changes, and, of course, sex — with self or with a partner.

Regardless of their age, they’re ready. Are you?

When talking to your kids about sexuality, your goal should be far more ambitious than preventing premarital sex or pregnancy. Besides, it will be more difficult to get those messages across without first establishing values and ongoing communication.

Talking to your kids about sexuality prepares them for future relationships, and arms them with accurate information. It also allows you to help shape their sexual values and decision-making, encouraging them to think clearly about sexuality.

It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. Here are four ways to approach your kids about sex:

  1. Show you’re askable.
  2. Never punish them for asking questions. It’s fine to say, “I don’t know” or “That’s personal, I don’t like talking about that.” But angrily demanding, “Why do you want to know?” or declaring: “Only a bad girl asks questions like that,” sends a message that sexual concerns are unacceptable to you.

  3. Teach that sex is OK.
  4. Teaching kids to fear sex or its consequences creates adults who fear sex or its consequences. Besides, instilling guilt and shame in kids doesn’t reliably discourage behavior you disapprove of. On the other hand, teaching young people to treat sex with respect, and that their bodies are precious, encourages them to behave responsibly.

  5. Teach values.
  6. Don’t hesitate to share the principles by which you live — kids want that. Just make sure that you label them as values rather than fact. Talk about what you believe or what makes you feel good. Of course, this requires that you talk about sex as a normal part of life, perhaps the most important message of all.

  7. Teach decision-making skills.
  8. Regardless of their age, what kids need most of all is decision-making skills. This is especially true when they’re dealing with peer pressure, feeling they’re in love or have been using alcohol. When you aren’t there to tell them what to do, they need to know how to make healthy choices for themselves.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
9
Nov


No one can be in two places at once. Therefore, if you want to be present during sex, you have to let go of both the past and future. You may not want — or be able — to let go permanently, but you need the ability to let go for an hour. Let’s look at four things to let go of.

First, let go of how your body used to be. Honey, none of us is getting any younger, and I know our (fill in the blank) used to be firmer, higher, smaller. Well, it isn’t now, and both you and your lover need to accept that. Any energy you put into sucking in your belly, hiding your butt, or pretending you don’t look exactly the way you do is energy taken away from the good sex you could be having.

Second, let go of comparing yourself to your partner’s ex-lovers. Needing to be the “best” is almost as destructive as needing to be the “only.” During lovemaking many of us focus more on our partner’s ex- than on our partner, in a perverse mental threesome that nobody enjoys. Teach your partner to make you feel like the world’s most important lover, and learn how to feel that way when he or she does. Be gracious. It’s an art.

Third, let go of worrying what your partner will think of you later. We all look silly during sex — if we’re enjoying ourselves. And if we’re fortunate, and our partner is fortunate, we will squeal, beg, fart, suck, demand, drool and lose track of time, space, grammar and our hands. Decide before you begin that this is OK, or don’t bother taking off your clothes.

Fourth, let go of any trauma you have previously suffered around sexuality. Difficult? Of course. Perhaps the most difficult thing you’ve ever done. Possible? Certainly; the human spirit is incredibly resilient. Scary? Definitely, so professional help may be appropriate.

Make sure you hire someone who wants to get you over the trauma, rather than keep you in it. Time-consuming? Probably. So better get going right now. Good sex is waiting — in the present.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
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