23
Feb


When George W. Bush accepts his party’s nomination tonight, he will stand with the person he believes makes him a better candidate.

Selecting and keeping a partner in love and romance is a little like choosing a political running mate: You want someone who balances the ticket.

Just as VP nominee Dick Cheney, a former defense secretary, makes up for Bush’s observed weakness on international issues, partners in any walk of life ought not be carbon copies.

Differences between you and your mate bring new skills, ideas and talents to your team.

Consider these five pointers on creating a balanced relationship ticket:

  1. Agree on the big stuff.
  2. The Democrats and Republicans may talk about big tent philosophies, but they don’t ignore their party platforms. “Sharing core values provides a foundation of mutual interest for a good relationship,” says Kevin Gogin, a marriage, family and child counselor in San Francisco.

    Core values include everything from religious orientation to views on child-raising and life philosophies.

    Who’s neat or messy has nothing to do with core values, explains Carol Kaplan, a marriage and family counselor in Monterey, Calif. It’s like Felix and Oscar of Odd Couple fame. They get on each other’s nerves, but they agree on underlying politics, morals and ethics.

  3. Discuss issues together.
  4. Specialization in a relationship is terrific. But it only works so long as you include your partner in decision-making.

    You may be an expert on antiques, but your partner has to sit in that old chair every day. Your spouse handles all the finances, but you still ought to know where your retirement money is invested, the name of your mortgage company and the balances of your various accounts. Each has a vested interest in every decision.

  5. Enjoy togetherness and separateness.
  6. Couples with children know about specialization. He does laundry; she watches the kids. But your differences may even affect leisure time. When your spouse has to attend a networking event with business associates on a Friday night resist the temptation to tag along.

  7. Throw guilt and resentment out the window.
  8. Your partner cooks, cleans and does the dishes. You take out the trash. Before you feel guilty, look at the big picture. You also fix things around the house, oversee contractors and run the broken cars to the shop. Are you both happy with this arrangement? Talk about it.

    If there is an imbalance, real or perceived, someone is going to feel resentful. Bring those feelings out in the open.

  9. Don’t try to change your partner.
  10. It’s a mistake, Gogin says, to assume you share values with your partner if they’ve never been expressed. It is also unwise to hold out hope for a miraculous change in your significant other. If he’s a heavy drinker who stays out late, don’t expect his behavior to change after you marry.

    Negotiation is the alternative to change, says Kaplan. Your partner can learn to wash every dish he uses, even if deep down he’d rather let them pile up in the sink. That’s called a concession, not a change.

In the end, you may appreciate those quirky personality differences. The neatnik may need to loosen up, and the slob may need to straighten up. If you form a well-balanced ticket, you will always have something to learn from each other.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
8
Dec


Men make love more intensely at 20, but make love better, however, at 30.

What could be more encouraging than a professional opinion agreeing with Catherine — unless, of course, it’s confirmation that you can expect the same into your 40s, and 50s, and perhaps, into your 60s?

“Passion knows no age,” says psychologist Bernard Apfelbaum, Ph.D. ”People are amazed that when they’re in their 60s, they can get a crush on someone — be in their 60s and feel like they did in high school.”

But does aging affect a man’s sexual performance? We asked Apfelbaum, who’s director of the Berkeley Sex Therapy Clinic in Berkeley, Calif.

“If a man is healthy and doesn’t have any relationship problems, his sexual functioning shouldn’t be affected. This usually doesn’t come into play until a man reaches his 60s. Actually, the differences between men themselves are greater than what happens with age,” he stressed.

“You can look at it as sexuality vs. sensuality,” he added, confirming that men peak sexually in their late teens and early 20s. ”Earlier on, men are more hormonally driven. As they age, what arouses them is more psychological. They’re looking at being in the moment, in touching and connection in a relationship, and for lack of a better term, less interested in getting off.”

Then what makes so many men turn to younger women? we asked. Apfelbaum’s answer:

“The problems come up when men try and recapture the sex of their youth. Many men get anxious if they can’t perform in exactly the same way they used to. They look for younger women, fantasies, and even pornography as a way of going back.”

Finally, we asked Dr. Apfelbaum whether he would agree with the following statement:

“There will be sex after death, we just won’t be able to feel it.”

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
24
Nov


Midlife Myth: Your sex life has seen better days, and decline is all you have to look forward to.

If sex is just about raging hormones and feats of stamina, youth takes the prize.

But there is so much more to the complete picture of sex and intimacy, says Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld, author of The New Male Sexuality.

Zilbergeld believes the following are more important than age:

  • The quality of openness, sensitivity and communication in your relationship.
  • The ability to focus on both giving and receiving.
  • The level of comfort and trust shared by you and your partner.
  • Your ability to be “present in the moment” without letting expectations or goals rule you.

With experience can come ever-increasing pleasure. “The lucky ones who have had the benefit of a sensitive, longtime partner — or a number of such partners — know they can keep growing sexually,” says Zilbergeld.

From a “performance” standpoint, there is a difference between young, old and those in between, says Zilbergeld, an Oakland-based sex therapist who currently is working on a myth-busting book about sex in later life.

“What is important is to be a great lover, not a great performer,” he says. “That takes years or decades to get really good at it.”

People in their early adult years tend to leave a lot to be desired in the “great lover” department, he adds.

Zilbergeld alludes to a study of middle-aged people in which nearly four out of 10 rated their sex not as equal or inferior to when they were young adults, but as “better than ever.”

Naturally, there are important health considerations that may be thrown into the mix. But healthy adults of all ages have the ability to grow sexually.

Bottom line: Sex is more about relating and mutual pleasure-giving than about objective standards of performance.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Category : Blog
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