29
Feb


Compatibility of values and goals reduces conflict, which may cut down the urge to part, says David Buss, author of The Evolution of Desire.

But there’s something more compelling than compatibility that has kept couples together throughout history and just might offer a kind of staying power to modern-day marriages.

Picture the husband felling trees and moving rocks while the wife sows and weeds. This is the economics of a bonding. Interdependence is a prescription for a successful relationship, according to Fisher, author of Anatomy of Love.

If interdependence worked to keep things friendly on the farm, perhaps collaboration keeps couples together in modern society – collaboration other than children, that is. Studies have shown that couples who have one or two children are no likelier to soothe the seven-year itch than those with no children.

We’re talking about raising plants in a greenhouse together, working as a team to campaign for your favorite candidate or playing the piano while your spouse sings. More than sharing common interests, you share a common goal.

A little lovin’ doesn’t hurt

Of course, romance is another invaluable component to a successful relationship. Why not live like it’s your first year together? For guys, that means gifts, winning her love. Remember how hard you used to work for her attentions? For women this means stroking his ego, listening with interest and responding to his loving gestures. In short, stop taking each other for granted and break the stagnant pattern.

The later the marriage, the less scratchy the itch

The peak age range for divorce and remarriage is from the late 20s to the early 30s. Couples who hook up in their 40s and 50s are more likely to stay together than their younger counterparts, says Fisher.

Today’s baby boomers, she writes, “seem to be entering this final state, searching for a soul mate. Most will marry or remarry and remain together. It’s in their genes.”

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Category : Blog
22
Feb


You can pretend you are immune. You may go around singing I Only Have Eyes for You. Even if you’re on key, you’re probably lying.

The Seven-Year Itch is reality, folks — for men and women.

“The cross-cultural data are pretty clear we are designed for serial monogamy,” says Dean Hamer, a biochemist with the National Institutes of Health.

The urge to merge is at some point replaced by the urge to split, and studies worldwide confirm this.

Evolutionarily speaking, men seek sexual variety and ample mating opportunities to “spread the seed.” Women seek to secure the best provider possible for themselves and their children.

This “pattern of decay” in sexual relationships is particularly strong for men and women in their prime reproductive years, according to researcher Helen Fisher.

But while some would say we’re biologically and historically destined to experience the seven-year itch, there are enough success stories out there to convince us straying is not mapped out in our DNA.

Wake up and smell the post-paleolithic world

Most men don’t want to fulfill their erstwhile biological mandate. “Social commitment is as important as any rush of testosterone,” says Jim McKenna, professor of biological anthropology at the University of Notre Dame. You may find women other than your wife attractive, but that doesn’t mean you’ll act on it.

Hollywood and some anthropologists would have us believe that women would trade in their husbands for a wealthier model if given the chance Demi Moore’s character had in the movie Indecent Proposal. But the reality is most women have more invested in their relationships with their husbands than a bank account. Not to mention the fact that many women also earn their own living.

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Category : Blog
21
Dec


Whether they’ve been asking questions or not, it’s time to talk with your kids about sexuality. That means talking about gender, reproduction, bodies, feelings, changes, and, of course, sex — with self or with a partner.

Regardless of their age, they’re ready. Are you?

When talking to your kids about sexuality, your goal should be far more ambitious than preventing premarital sex or pregnancy. Besides, it will be more difficult to get those messages across without first establishing values and ongoing communication.

Talking to your kids about sexuality prepares them for future relationships, and arms them with accurate information. It also allows you to help shape their sexual values and decision-making, encouraging them to think clearly about sexuality.

It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it. Here are four ways to approach your kids about sex:

  1. Show you’re askable.
  2. Never punish them for asking questions. It’s fine to say, “I don’t know” or “That’s personal, I don’t like talking about that.” But angrily demanding, “Why do you want to know?” or declaring: “Only a bad girl asks questions like that,” sends a message that sexual concerns are unacceptable to you.

  3. Teach that sex is OK.
  4. Teaching kids to fear sex or its consequences creates adults who fear sex or its consequences. Besides, instilling guilt and shame in kids doesn’t reliably discourage behavior you disapprove of. On the other hand, teaching young people to treat sex with respect, and that their bodies are precious, encourages them to behave responsibly.

  5. Teach values.
  6. Don’t hesitate to share the principles by which you live — kids want that. Just make sure that you label them as values rather than fact. Talk about what you believe or what makes you feel good. Of course, this requires that you talk about sex as a normal part of life, perhaps the most important message of all.

  7. Teach decision-making skills.
  8. Regardless of their age, what kids need most of all is decision-making skills. This is especially true when they’re dealing with peer pressure, feeling they’re in love or have been using alcohol. When you aren’t there to tell them what to do, they need to know how to make healthy choices for themselves.

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Category : Blog
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