Why People Engage In Cybersex


The most common group of activities on the Net involves sex. Are you a statistic?

At any given moment — including this second — millions of modems are swaying together in a worldwide virtual orgy. People are flirting in chat rooms, looking at nude photos, buying vibrators and masturbating online.

People participate in cybersex for different reasons. For some it provides an opportunity to experiment with new things — sharing fantasies, asking for something desired, using words like penis and vulva. Some seize the chance to see themselves through a new lover’s eyes, and hope to be reassured that they’re not frigid or kinky.

While some people can take or leave cybersex, others can’t keep away from it, typing at 3 a.m. in secret, trying to get off without waking the mister or missus. They rarely address their problem until they’ve been confronted, shamed and threatened with the loss of love — and even then they can’t always stop.

Some people love online from necessity. Cybersex does give America’s misfits a place to rehearse human connection, preparing them to actually meet someone. But by supporting withdrawal from real people, cybersex invites some loners further into their isolation. If engineers and accountants are going to reproduce someday, this isn’t good.

So, is any of this online heavy breathing really sex? The question’s important because it challenges our belief that sex is easily defined and understood. It makes us re-think how cybersex feels and why we do it.

Why do you do it? How does it feel to you?

An activity is sex if you share erotic energy. In that respect, of course cybersex is sex. Does it break a vow of monogamy? Well, if your contract is “no intercourse with anyone else,” no. But most monogamous contracts are “no sharing sexual energy with anyone else.” In that respect, a hand on the keyboard is like a hand on the knee. You’re busted.

The challenge of understanding cybersex is one step in humanity’s long erotic evolution. If it pushes us to better understand sex, on or off the Internet, then our soul-less, desire-less machines will have served our lust well.

Many people adopt alternative persona online; that 19-year-old girl in hot pants may actually be a Hulk Hogan look-alike.

Remember, the record of your computer activity can be read by experts, even if you don’t know how to do it.

If you keep making cyber choices you later regret, see a therapist.

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